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“Ishould go check on dinner,” she says quietly, trying to push away from me.
She’snot strong enough to get away from me ifIdon’t let her go.AndIdon’t want to let her go.ButIdrag my arm off her shoulders becauseIknow it’s the right thing to do. “Doyou need any help?”
“No, thanks.”Shegives me a polite smile.Thekind you give to a server in a restaurant.Thekind meant for a stranger. “Youshould spend time with your family.That’swhy you’re here.”
Aftershe leaves,Iwalk over to get a taste of whatever appetizer she was serving to everyone but me.It’ssome kind of bruschetta with sundried tomato pesto.Icould eat the entire tray and my only regret would be that there weren’t any more of them to eat.WhenIseeLilyheading past me,Inod at her to get her attention. “Didsomething happen today?”
“Lotsof things happened today,”Lilysays with a grin, and then does a little spin in her new dress thatIapparently paid for. “Thanksfor the dress,Jacks.”
“You’dbe more welcome ifI’dknownIwas buying it for you in the first place,”Igrumble, then look around to see who’s standing near us. “What’dGunnarthink of it?”Iwiggle my eyebrows at her.
Lilyimmediately punches me in the stomach.Andnot lightly. “Shutit.”
“Mmmm-hmmm.So, what happened today withSelena?Sheseems… moody.”
“Maybeit’s because you haven’t told her you love her yet?”
Whatthe hell? “Howdo you knowIhaven’t told herIlove her yet?Shetold you that?”
“No.Youjust told me.”Lilyfrowns. “Whyhaven’t you?Youtwo are so ridiculously in love with each other, it’s almost disgusting.Justtell her.”
Ifonly it were that simple.Andif only it were true.HowcouldIhave feelings forSelena—much less be in love with her—whenI’venever even kissed her properly?Itdoesn’t make sense.Noneof it makes any damn sense.MaybeIfeel… some kind of way about her.Butit’s just from being so goddamn horny, isn’t it?
“Wehaven’t been… together that long…”I’mgrasping at straws, trying to make excuses.
“Whenyou know, you know,Jacks.”Lilyshrugs. “IknewIwas in love withGunnarthe first timeIsaw him in kindergarten.Iknew he was it for me.Can’thelp it if he’s too damn stupid to know it, too.”
“Youcould tell him and see what happens.Takeyour own advice for once.”
“It’scompletely different.Selena’sin love with you, too.Gunnar… doesn’t see me like that.”
“Isthat what the dress is about?”
“Nope!Thedress was for me.Shewas so pretty,Icouldn’t resist.”
“Careto let me know what elseIbought today?”
“Nope.Butyou’re going to be happy when you find out.”
Myjaw drops to my knees. “Howhappy,Lil?”
“Let’sjust say you’re going to be avery, veryhappy man.Andyou’re welcome, best friend!She’sa good one.Ican’t believe she’s fromL.A.She’sthe real deal,Jacks.”
Andthe words from my best friend’s mouth have me wondering if there might be something real happening here, after all.
chapterthirty-eight
jackson
Dinnerwas amazing, just like the woman who made it.Myentire family spent the night milling around the backyard, talking and laughing.SomehowSelenagot my brothers to open up and talk more thanIthinkI’veever heard them talk in a single sitting, telling old family stories.Andmy dad sat right in the middle, loving every minute.Selenaeven thought to buy him non-alcoholic beer because he’s not cleared to drink yet.Themen did the dishes in the kitchen while the women sat on hay bales by the fire, drinking their wine.Itfelt like old times.Andsomehow everything felt new at the same time.
Thecrowd kept thinning as the night got darker and darker.Mydad went up to bed hours ago.Andnow it’s justSelena, my brothers,Lily,Gunnar, and me sitting around the fire, late into the night.Oatsis passed out by the fire after running wild all night like a toddler hopped up on too much sugar.Heloves being around all these people.Ifeel bad that it’s usually just him and me most of the time.UntilSelena.
SelenaandLilyare drinking wine.Mybrothers andIare having beer after beer.It’sa great night.Oneof my best, actually.AndI’mthinking it’s not a coincidence thatSelenais right here for it.
Aftergrabbing another beer from the old galvanized water trough thatSelenafilled with ice to keep the drinks cold,Ihead back over to joinSelenaon our bale of hay.Thistime, she sidles over and makes room for me.WhenIwrap my arm around her, she presses into my side.There’snothing like an enormous bonfire.Thesmell of the smoke brings back so many memories.
EventuallyGunnarpulls his truck around the side of the house—very slowly and very carefully considering the number of beers he’s had—and turns on the stereo, leaving the windows down.Weall sit there listening to old country songs while the fire crackles in front of us, sending sparks up to meet the stars in the sky above.
