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“IguessIlike the delayed gratification.EvenwhenIwatch streaming shows,Ionly let myself watch one episode a week.Maybetwo, ifI’mdesperate.It’sjust not the same experience to binge ten hours of a show on a singleSaturday.”
Igive her a solemn salute. “Well, those of us who spend months making those shows and movies salute you.Yourkind is pretty rare these days.”
“Iknow.I’msuch a rare and precious flower.”Sheflicks her dark hair over her shoulder, mocking herself.Thenshe glances around warily. “Doyou think we’re ever going to get out of this elevator?”
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CelebritEYES:BREAKINGNEWS!Ourfavorite internet boyfriend is trapped in anL.A. elevator!Thisis not a drill people!JacksonWatersis trapped in an elevator!Ifonly we were in there with him…
chapterfive
jackson
Shelooks worried, andIdon’t like it.Somethingtightens inside me, needing to distract her from worrying about when we’re getting out of this damn elevator. “Ithink so, yeah.Butdid you want to figure out who’s going to eat who in case your magic purse runs out of snacks?”
Shebites her bottom lip to stop from smiling. “Hmmm.First, that’s gross.Second, probably also very practical.Goodidea.Ithink you should sacrifice yourself.Ihave culinary training, soIcould probably make you not taste terrible.”
Nodding,Ieye her up.I’mpretty sure she wouldn’t taste terrible, not one bit.Atleast the wayI’dlike to eat her.
“Interesting.Interesting.Youassume thatI’dtaste terrible?”
“I’mvegan.Ithink all meat tastes terrible.So,Ithink you’d be pretty gross.Nooffence.”
“I’lltry not to take any offence at the fact thatI’mjust a piece of meat to you.”Igive her a lazy smile.
Sheshrugs, a smile dancing on her bright pink lips. “You’rethe one who brought up eating each other for survival.I’mnot sure we needed to go full-onDonnerPartyhere.”
“Iwas considering sacrificing myself, but nowIknow you don’t eat meat?Iwouldn’t want you to compromise your morals.Okay,I’vethought about it, andIthinkIshould be the one to eat you.Imay not be a chef, butIdon’t thinkI’dhave any trouble eating you.Imight even like it.”
Stopit.Stopflirting with the poor woman trapped in a five-by-five metal box with you, you asshole.
Shethinks it over.Thankfully, oblivious to the fact that the asshole in the elevator with her is being a completely inappropriate piece of shit.
“Idon’t think it would compromise my morals, actually.Veganismis all about harm reduction.Day-to-day,Ilive happily with no animal products.Butif my life depended on it,Imean any animal would do what it needs to do to survive.Idon’t see the two being in conflict.”
Lookingher up and down,Ilet out a slow whistle. “Thatseems like some very convenient logic.”
“Convenientand correct.Weshould probably also factor in the most humane means of death.Icould club you with my giant water mug.Youwouldn’t feel a thing,Ipromise.”
“You’retoo kind.ButI’mbigger and stronger than you are.IthinkIcould take you.”Mylips twitch.Whenwas the last timeIactually enjoyed talking to anyone this much?Orat all?
Sheeyes me from the top of my head all the way down to my outstretched legs and the black leather boots on my feet. “Standup.”
“Why?Idon’t want to waste any of my fading strength.Imay need it to fight you off.”
“Iwant to see how tall you are.Beforethe-incident-that-shall-not-be-named,Iwas too stressed to notice.Ineed to assess whetherIcan take you or not.”
“WhileI, on the other hand, was not too distracted by you taking a pee in my water bottle to notice how tall you are.Youcan’t be more than a couple inches over five feet.You’renot fooling anyone with those platform heels.”
Herface goes downright squirrely. “I’mfive-foot-two.AndIthought you agreed never to speak of that again?”
Grinningback at her frown,Itake another drink from her giant water bottle. “Idon’t thinkIdid, come to think of it.”
“Itwas implicit that the-incident-that-shall-not-be-named would never be spoken of again whenIshared my water with you.Standup.”
“I’dlike it to be acknowledged thatI’mdoing this becauseIam an eminently fair and extremely reasonable man.”Pushingup on my hands,Istand up.
I’mstiffer thanI’dlike to admit from sitting on the hard floor of the elevator for so long.I’mnot even thirty-three yet, but my twenties feel a million years away.
