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“Nico might be a pain in the ass, but he has no problem with you being you. I’m not sure I can be what Brute wants me to be.” And that was the real fear. Not the “L” word, not the permanent seat on Brute’s rollercoaster. But letting a man change me, mold and shape me into a version of myself I no longer recognized? That scared me more than every bad situation I’d ever been in put together.
Raven shook her head. “Brute fell in love withyou,Greta. He wants you to be you. When you do things that make him worry about you, he might forget that for a minute, but then he’ll remember.”
“Is that so?”
She nodded her head emphatically.
I couldn’t keep from grinning. “When the hell did you get so good at relationship shit?”
“Engaged to a mafia boss, remember?” she said, pointing to herself. “It takes him more than a minute sometimes to remember that he can’t lock me up in the Costa Castle. During those times, I’ve learned to help him along,” she said, grinning slyly.
I laughed. “A relationship queen now, are you?”
“You’re the queen of kicking butt and showing no fear; I had to be queen of something. It’s only fair.” Her smile grew impossibly bigger, but then fell away. “Can I ask you something?” she asked, leaning forward.
“Si.” Really, there weren’t many secrets between us.
“I get the physical appeal, and Brute does seem like one heck of a good guy, but… why him? Not that I’m objecting,” she added quickly. “Just curious.”
I shrugged. I hadn’t really taken time to sort out the particulars, but actually, it came to me rather quickly. “He gets me,” I said, which, when spoken aloud, kind of sounded lame.
Raven cocked an eyebrow while the corners of her lips twitched. “I didn’t know that was possible,” she teased. At least, I think she was teasing.
“The night we rode together on that errand for Domínguez, I was stressing the hell out, and Brute took me out to burn down some scumbag’s trailer to blow off steam.” I smiled at the memory. “Who does that kind of crazy?”
Raven smiled. “Youdo,” she said, but her tone wasn’t mocking.
I think she understood the appeal, the connection between Brute and me that I’d been trying to ignore.
“So… what was it you and Brute were fighting about? I mean, what is it you’re planning to do that had him freaking out?”
“The man we’ve been after is more elusive than a goddamned ghost. But he’s after me. And that gives us something to work with. I’ve still got a tracker in a dental implant from when we went afterEl Víbora, so…” I trailed off since the plan was self-explanatory.
Raven nodded, but her thoughts seemed to turn inward. “What happened when you went afterEl Víbora?” she asked, her eyes not quite meeting mine.
“What do you mean ‘what happened’? You were there, hon. We got him.”
She shook her head. “I mean, what happened before we got him?”
Damn it.This really wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have. Unfortunately for me, Raven wasn’t the type to let things go.
I sighed and sat back in my chair. It may have been early, but I think it was about time for a drink. “What happened is I learned I’m not untouchable, that the shit we do can come back on me.”
It wasn’t difficult to see the way she was putting the pieces together in her head. It was time to get pre-emptive before Raven decided to hop on board the “change Greta” train.
“What we’re planning here does scare me—it scares the shit out of me. But if I’m not going to let Brute change who I am, then I’m sure as hell not going to let those assholes fromEl Víbora’sbasement change me either. I’m not different, Raven; I’m more aware. I know firsthand now what can happen if things go wrong, but I’ll be damned if I let that stop me.”
There was a furrow between her eyebrows, but she was nodding, slowly, consideringly, until she gave one quick, final nod and her eyes met mine.
“I always thought you were fearless—queen of kicking butt and showing no fear. But it turns out, you’re better than fearless. You’re brave no matter how much fear you feel.” She put her hand over top of mine and squeezed. “This is going to sound cheesy as heck, but I’m really proud of you.”
“Grazie,” I said, squeezing her hand back, probably to draw attention away from how my cheeks were heating. Because apparently, Greta blushed now. I’m not sure I liked this new development.
“Am I interrupting something?” Gabe asked as he came around the side of the house. He was looking at where Raven’s hand was holding mine on the table while he waggled his eyebrows like a dumbass. “Because if I am, I can come back,” he said, brows suddenly drawn together in mock-concern.
I was ready with a retort whenZiettoVito came around the house behind him. He wasn’t wearing his happy face.
Gabe plopped down in one of the empty patio chairs beside me.
