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Kenzie
On our way.
Fifteen minutes later, my besties arrive on my doorstep. They’ve brought filled bagels, sausage, egg, and cheese, bacon, egg, and cheese, and some monstrosity with avocado. And they brought wine. Apparently the fact that it’s early afternoon doesn’t matter in a crisis. Wine time is any time.
Paige pops the wine and grabs glasses, while Kenzie assesses my apartment with a hand on her hip and a concerned look on her face.
“You could move in with me and Austin.” She gestures at all the half-packed boxes scattered around my living space.
Holding up a hand, I shake my head. “No. Thank you, but no. Youjustmoved in with him, Kenz. There’s no way on earth I’m going to bunk with you guys. I’d rather live in my car than gatecrash your honeymoon period.”
“I wish I hadn’t sold my house, now. I’d have let you stay there in a heartbeat.”
Shrugging, my body heats. “It’s not your job to bail me out of hot water, Kenz. This is my mess, I need to clean it up myself. I signed a lease. Unless I want to go to jail, I need to find a way to pay for the apartment. Maybe I’ll start an Only Fans.”
Paige snorts. “You wouldn’t go to jail, drama llama. And there’s no shame in sex work.”
“That’s fine for you to say.” I take a wine glass from her and toss my head back as I take a long swig. “You’re not the one about to go to jail.”
Is it possible I’m overstating things? Sure. But right now I feel like I’m losing on all sides. Suddenly, this apartment I’ve lived in, and complained about for years, doesn’t feel so bad. Packing my life up and moving a few miles away feels like an impossible task.
Not being able to keep a roof over my own head feels so irresponsible. When all I was trying to do was split costs until I could save up a down-payment on a forever home. Paying half the rent meant my bank account would get nice and fat. I was trying to be responsible.
This is why I don’t adult. It never works out for me. I need constant adult supervision.
Paige shoves my shoulder. “Stop it. I can see you mentally berating yourself for whatever it is you think you should have done but didn’t.” She flicks my forehead. “This isn’t your fault. It could have happened to any of us.”
“But it didn’t. It never happens to you two. You’re all adult and shit. I’m the fuck up. Always the fuck up.” Tears burn my eyes as a lump appears in the back of my throat. I refuse to cry. Not because I’m not alone, but because I hate feelings and refuse to let them have power over me.
Kenzie’s our resident crier. She’s welling up watching me well up. She feels everything. Like, literally everything. I’m pretty sure each feeling has a physical presence and reaction in her body. It must be exhausting. I can’t imagine letting so many feelings take control of my person, my life. How does she even move with the weight of all those emotions clinging to her?
Not me. I’m in full control of my small array of feelings, and that’s how it’s going to stay. Forever.
Okay, except for right now. Right now I’m drowning.
We sit and drink. I tell them all about my amazing night with Thor, in graphic detail. By the time I’m done recounting, they’re both fanning themselves.
“Holy shit. Thor’s a pleasure dom for sure. He just kept rolling your orgasms until you couldn’t come anymore?”
Nodding at Paige, I refill our glasses. “Yeah. I think my soul left my body. But I’m pretty sure he kept telling me to be a good girl and come for him. But by that point I was just hearing colors and seeing sounds so I might have just imagined he said that.”
They laugh and drink from their newly filled glasses.
“I am so jealous.” Kenzie shakes her head.
“But you have Austin.” I drag my finger down the condensation on the glass.
“Denial.” Paige rolls her eyes as they both answer my silent question.
“I thought she accepted she’s all loved up with him? They’re living together for fuck’s sake. It’s a bit late now to deny her feelings.”
“Orgasm denial.” Paige grins at her own words.
“How long has it been?”
Kenzie’s stare hardens. “A day.”
Paige cracks up laughing. Like, full belly laugh, tears in her eyes, clutching her stomach laughing. Kenz smacks her arm. “Stop it. It’s not funny. It’sawful.”
