AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Stop stalling.” Paige kicks me under the table.
After a long and heavy silence, I swallow another gulp of my wine. If my friends truly are ride-or-die, we’re about to find out. “I almost killed a child when I was younger.”
They look at me like they don’t believe me. Like they’re used to me exaggerating and being dramatic. Except this time, I’m not stretching the truth at all.
“I babysat for the neighbor’s kid when I was a teenager.” Staring into my glass, I shift in my seat, ass smarting from the bruises but I can’t bear to look either of my friends in the eye when shame swirls with the wine in my stomach.
“I took her for a walk.” Another gulp of wine. There’s no amount of liquid courage that will help make this story easier to tell. “I met up with my boyfriend and we got... frisky.” Still not able to meet either of their eyes, and my cheeks are on fire, heat radiating from my neck.
“While we were sucking face, the little girl almost drowned in the stream.” My voice cracks, the unsettled alcohol and food in my stomach threatening to make a reappearance.
Silence.
Neither of them speaks. Paige takes a slow sip from her glass.
I want the floor to swallow me whole while I’m talking. I hate myself for almost having taken a life through my carelessness.
After what feels like an age, the girls try to tell me I was just a child myself, but it doesn’t matter. I was responsible for another human being, and it almost ended in that human being’s death. That’s not a risk I intend to ever take again.
Brushing them off, I finish another glass of wine. I promised myself I’d never put myself or any other child in the position where I’m accountable for them. It’s too much pressure.
My own sister won’t even trust me to watch her kids while she takes a shower, for fuck’s sake. My niece is autistic, too. So I know how challenging having a special needs child can be.
Not to mention the fact I barely have time for all the shit of my own I have to do right now, never mind taking Thor’s crap on my plate.
I can’t. I always said no kids. And I need to stick to it. For everyone’s sake.
No kids.
Not even if the kid is older, not even if my best friends think I can do it, and not even for the beautiful Norse God with brilliant blue eyes and a smile that melts my panties.
CHAPTER8
Thor
What the fuckingfuck was I fucking thinking?
I don’t know how I thought we could do something normal on our second day.
Ouch.
Normal.
Suddenly the words I’ve used my whole life have taken on new meaning. If anyone so much assuggestedmy kid—who I’ve barely known for five minutes—wasn’t normal, I’d rearrange their face.
My inner monologue and verbiage is definitely something I need to work on. I guess what I was trying to say is that I had no idea that special needs parents had such a hard time while trying to do something as simple as going out for lunch.
After reading through all Matty’s files, I had a chat with his pediatrician, his school to talk through his IEP—individualized education plan—and his behavioral intervention plan, BIP, then touched base with his occupational therapist.
I’ve never heard so many acronyms: OT, PT, IEP, BIP... I’m sure there are more. But after two hours on the phone this morning, my brain is lava. It’s a lot.
Turns out Caz had been planning this for a while and put me down on Matty’s paperwork with the school and care providers. Suppose I should be thankful for small mercies.
Matty and I went for a walk through the park before stopping into Brew’d Awakening to grab lunch. It’s a quaint cafe, a little hipster, plenty of space and light, with great food. I stupidly thought it would be easy. Thought I could order everything off the breakfast menu and sit with Matty until he tried everything and picked whatever his favorites were.
I was wrong.
Very, very, very fucking wrong.
