AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’m pretty sure they removed his brain-to-mouth filter at birth. If you don’t know him all that well, he seems cold and aloof, quiet, stoic, doesn’t say shit about shit. But once you crack his grumpy armadillo shell, he’s blunt as fuck and not afraid to tell it like it is.
“I know.” I don’t need him to tell me how badly I fucked up. I was there. The scars run deep in my chest. “Being with Addison has given me a lot of time to think about how things went down with my ex. I know that what happened with us wasn’t my fault. At least not all my fault. But this... I should have known better, done better... How do I fucking fix it?”
“Is she safe?” Astute questions like that are part of the reason Archer’s going to make an excellent dom someday. He’s already miles ahead of some of the sensationalized doms who’ve joined the club after the explosion of BDSM in pop culture.
“She is. She’s with Austin and Kenzie.”
“Good.” Jagger pops a grape in his mouth, frowning at me like he doesn’t recognize the man sitting across from him. “It’s not like you to make such dumbass mistakes, Thor.”
“I know.” He’s not wrong. I’m usually meticulous. I dropped the ball and I hate myself for it. My jaw trembles as the sight of Addison backed into a corner trembling and afraid of me invades my mind for the millionth time tonight. Her reaction felt extreme, but, again, I have no right to judge how anyone reacts to my actions. I just need to fix it.
Archer sits forward, covering my hand with his. “Take a breath. We’ll figure it out. Won’t we, Jagger?"
A grunt comes from the giant. I’m pretty sure Archer kicked him under the table.
“Unfortunately, the biggest way to fix this is patience and time.”
Groaning again, I smack my head on the table as I bend forward. I was afraid he’d say that. “Don’t you have a magic fix that is quicker and easier than that?”
Archer laughs. “Most things that are worth it take time and patience.”
Fucker’s parroting my words back to me, words I told him when he first joined the club a few months ago. “I hate you right now.”
He shrugs. “I learn from the best.”
“Did you give her the paddle?” Jagger takes a huge bite, before chewing slowly.
Shaking my head, I sigh. “She didn’t give me the chance. Not that I blame her. She freaked out and called her girls. I haven’t seen her since.”
“Good place to start.” Where Jagger is putting all this food is anyone’s guess. “Hand it over to her. Or leave it on her bed with a note if you can’t bring yourself to find the words. It won’t make it right, but it’ll show her that you’re handing her the power to decide whether it ever gets used again. Make sure you communicate that to her too. She’s a newer sub, right? She might not understand the gesture if you don’t spell it out for her. It’s probably why she reacted the way she did, too. First time experiencing a fuck up tends to be the worst.”
“If she didn’t get it, her friends would explain it to her.” But it would be better coming from me than from anyone else.
He waves a grape my direction. “Paige’s friend, right?”
“And Kenzie’s.” Archer grabs a few grapes from the bag, shoving a couple into his mouth.
“You should still be clear with her.” Jagger wags his finger.
“I’m with Jagger. Clear communication is the foundation of the lifestyle.”
It’s like he’s reciting the BDSM manual to me one line at a time.
“He’s gonna punch you.” Jagger says, slicing another piece of cheese and offering it to Archer who peels it from the blade of the knife.
“He’s gonna punch himself.”
Accurate.
“What if I can’t earn her trust back?”
They both stare back at me with sympathetic eyes. Ugh. I fucking hate this. I’m usually the one coaching someone through a fuck up, not the one doing the actual fucking up.
“Everyone makes mistakes, Thor. You know better than anyone that this is a learning moment, even if you hate it, even if you feel like shit. You just need to let Addison process the situation herself and figure out how she needs to move forward.” Jagger looks pleased with himself for his little lecture, don’t blame him, he’s good at giving advice, it’s why Archer’s hanging out with him.
“And in the meantime, make sure you don’t drop. Sleep,” Archer glances at his watch. “Eat well, exercise, take care of yourself so that when she’s ready to come back to your dynamic you’re not even more fucked up than you are now. Get ahead of the drop.”
I can’t remember the last time I dropped. While Doms don’t generally advertise the fact they drop too. It’s becoming something we talk about a lot more than we used to. Every con I go to there is at least one session that discusses it. The community has come a long way in that department, but it still makes me feel... feelings when it’s me that’s dropping.
