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She huffs out a breath. “I want to, but no. I don’t. There’s something in the way you say it…”
“Really, little bird?”
This time, she shivers and presses her body more firmly against me. “Yes. Really.”
I allow my hand to wander down from her waist to her hip. She is tiny, but so curvy and feminine. “Then I will say it more often.”
I trail my fingers around the edge of her dress, enjoying the goose bumps that rise up along her skin. The back of her dress is so low I can feel where the curve of her butt cheeks begins.
I tap her lightly there, enjoying the tiny mewl of sound that escapes her lips. I lean in and take her earlobe briefly in my teeth, pulling gently. “You are a witch, little bird. Drawing me in with your magic. And yet, you have been very good tonight. I am pleased with you.”
The music rises, and conversation ceases as I succumb to the feel of my beautiful wife in my arms. I know Danelli and the team are keeping watch around us, and for a few minutes, I allow myself to simplyfeel.
She is changing me, this woman, in subtle ways, and I am not sure whether or not it is for the better. I have less focus, less control, when I am around her. I will have to put up my guard again. Soon.
For now, at least until this song concludes, I will hold Bianca and allow something softer to enter my consciousness.
But I will not forget that instinctive message my gut was trying to tell me earlier when she was in the bathroom.
Something is off. Something bad is coming.
Whether that instinct relates specifically to my wife, or to a less obvious threat, remains to be seen.
20
“Forgive yourself for loving the wrong person.”
Unknown
Bianca
I thinkRio is putting out a hit on another man because of a bet they made. Overme.
Nausea roils in my gut as he twirls me on the dance floor. I don’t know how to let go of the guilt from such a thing. Is that what he meant when he mentioned the quid pro quo in relation to Rossi? What if he succeeds? What if he ends up killing someone because ofme?
I was feigning illness earlier to get over the shock of seeing Rio only seconds after I tucked that little white card into my shoe. Now, the illness churning in my gut is real. But I can’t do anything about it. At least tonight. It’s too late to call Felicity back and tell heryes.I want help. I want to get away from this madness.
This life defined by violence.
And yet, as Rio continues to hold and guide me around the floor, my body begins to relax, as if my physical self and my mind are two separate entities. One can’t seem to get enough of him. The other is repelled by who and what he is.
That term—little bird—started as a derogatory and controlling phrase. I know that. I am the one in the cage, and he holds the key. Now, there is something more when he says it, as if the door to the cage has been opened, and he is trying to entice me out.
Something has shifted between us.
Is that why I didn’t speak up with Felicity? Will I find the strength to do so in the future?
Emotions swirl within me, exacerbating my nausea. Self-doubt, confusion, fear, and desire are all rolled up into one horrible, seething ball of tension. And yet through the tension, I realize I don’t want Rio to let me go.
His arms are firm around me; his scent is almost comforting. Which is ridiculous given who and what he is. I should be disgusted with myself for letting such a man touch me; hold me. Affect me the way he does. Iamdisgusted.
But when he looks at me now, unlike when we first met, there is something real in his gaze. It is as if he finally sees me—the real me, and there are flashes of emotion in his expression now that were never there before.
Have I truly touched him in a positive way? Or is that merely my imagination trying to make sense of a horrific situation and finding mutual desire and need where none really exists?
“Sometimes your face is an open book, but at other times, I have no idea what you’re thinking, Bianca. You hide from me. Like right this minute…”
He moves a hand off my hip and up to my face, caressing my jawline before forcing up my chin with one of his fingers. “What is going through your mind right now?”
