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“The sun feels wonderful!” Doris pulled off her floral sundress revealing a matching one-piece suit with a ruffled skirt going down to her knees. “But I don’t want to burn, so I’ll need someone to help me get my sunscreen on. I’m not as bendy as I used to be.”
“Same.” Sylvie agreed as she lifted her dress over her head to show off a beautiful, modest suit that flattered her figure well. “I don’t want to go lobster on the first day and ruin the trip. We have so many activities planned at each port, and I would hate to miss them because I’m unable to walk. I’ll do you if you do me.”
“Perfect!” Doris grabbed a bottle of sunblock from her bag and started rubbing it on her arms. “I’ll get what I can reach, and you can fill in the blanks.”
“I need some of that too. Don’t want to get any more wrinkles.” Marge, who’d sported an oversized t-shirt and khaki pants to the safety session, pulled her pants off to reveal her shorts.
My jaw unhinged and almost hit the pool deck. “Marge! What in the holy hell is happening with your legs? My eyes. My eyes!” I slapped a hand over my eyes, shielding them from the horrifying sight.
“What? What’s wrong? Did I cut myself or something?”
I peeked out between my fingers to see Marge glancing down at the limbs I could barely see beneath the wall of dark, curly hair. “Cut yourself? How could you cut yourself? Thathairis so thick it would act as a shield wall for anything that tried to penetrate. How in the hell have you forgotten to shave your legs for this long? That is not even right!”
Marge furrowed her brow. “I didn’t forget to shave them. I stopped shaving them about six months ago. Turns out, a perk of dating women is that we don’t give a shit about hairy bodies. Women understand that body hair is natural, so we don’t really give a rat’s ass.”
“Lesbians really don’t mind?” Sylvie sat up, passing a shocked glance at Marge’s legs.
“Well, some of them do, of course, but most of us know bodies are hairy. It’s men who think that women are some hairless, baby’s butt smooth creatures. We’re not. We’re as hairy as them. Roxie doesn’t mind at all.”
“Roxie minds.” I looked away, waving a hand in the direction of her legs. “Roxiedefinitelyminds. And if she doesn’t, I do. I am not sitting next to Sasquatch this entire trip. I’m taking you down to the salon, and we are ripping that forest off your legs.”
Her furrow deepened. “I’m not going to let some person rip out my leg hair by the roots just because it offends your fragile eyes. You’ll get used to it.”
My eyebrows shot to my hairline as I tried not to look at her burly stems. “I will most definitely not get used to it.”
Doris let out a slow breath. “They really are quite unkempt, Marge. Perhaps a little trim would be worthwhile.”
Sylvie tipped her head. “Wow. So, lesbians really don’t mind? Man. If I’d known that, maybe I’d have forgotten all about Tom and met some hot lady for my last wish. I freaking hate shaving and waxing. I swear, if I could travel back in time, I would find out who started the whole ‘women should be hairless’ trend and stop that shit right in its tracks. Women for centuries could be walking around proudly in all their hairy glory like Marge. Save countless hours and dollars trying to look like a hairless cat.”
“My cat is hairless.” I smirked.
Sylvie swatted me on the arm. “Now I’ll never unsee that mental image.”
I laughed. “It’s not that big of a deal to keep up on staying hairless once you get on a waxing schedule.”
“It still sucks.” Sylvie ran a hand over her smooth leg. “I just really want to go back in time and stop this whole ridiculous trend.”
“So, if you could travel back in time,” Marge said, “you wouldn’t go, say, stop Hitler or something else of that nature? You’d go back and stop ... hair removal?”
Sylvie straightened. “Well, if time travel existed, everyone and anyone would be racing back for all the evil people in the world. There’d be a line a mile long at each tyrant. And for good reason. So instead, I’ll leave everyone else to deal with history’s psychos, and I would be the only one racing back to stop hair removal.”
Laughing, I lifted a hand and flagged the passing server to come over. “Well, even if no one else ever shaved or waxed, I still would. I love how my body looks hairless.”
“To each their own.” Marge gestured to her leg. “I happen to like my au natural look.”
I sat up. “This is my wish, Marge. And I am adding that we don’t spend my entire wish with your horrifying jungle of matted hair ruining my view. Unless Sylvie finds a way to travel back in time and make them more fashionable, I am putting in a formal request we head down to the salon stat and get those things sorted out.”
Marge lifted her leg and moved it toward me. I nearly fell off my lounge chair trying to dodge it. “What? You don’t want to cuddle up with these babies? Snuggle in close and feel the softness on your cheek?”
“Gross! Marge!” I swatted her leg away, horrified when I made contact with the hairy limb.
Marge rolled with laughter, and Sylvie and Doris joined her.
“Oh, Marge. You’re going to give poor Alice a heart attack.” Doris said between giggles. “Maybe just this one last time, you could shave them.”
Marge grumbled and put her leg back down. “Then they’ll be all stubbly and itchy when they grow back in. Took me forever to get them this soft and comfortable.”
I sat up. “Not if you wax. They grow in soft from the start. It will last long enough to keep you smooth the whole trip, and then when you’re back home, they can grow back into those ghastly snarls without any itching or stubble.”
