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“What!” I shrieked, sitting up so fast I also spilled my water.
Doris grasped her chest. “You’re kidding! Oh, gosh! That’s incredible!”
Marge furrowed her brow. “Wait a minute. Does that mean you’re leaving me in Vegas? Why the hell didn’t you tell me this before?”
Alice twisted her lips. “I wanted to share the news with all of you at once. And it’s just an offer at this point. I haven’t agreed to anything yet.”
“But you’re going to, right?” My jaw remained slack. “I mean, aworld tourof your show? Isn’t that a dream come true?”
Alice spun her drink in her fingers. “It is. It’s bigger than a dream come true, to be honest. The dream was to be a Vegas showgirl. I now do that five nights a week. This ... this is bigger than the dream.”
Marge grumbled. “Who’d have thought so many people would want to come see some old broad up on stage kicking up her stems?”
Alice arched an eyebrow and gestured to her legs. “These stems are worth every dollar of admission.”
“This is incredible, Alice.” I shook my head. “Truly incredible. I’m so proud of you.”
“Me too.” Doris’s cheeks grew with her smile. “And to think this is all happening because of what we did last year in Vegas. Isn’t life amazing?”
“Our lives all changed because of that trip.” I looked around at them. “I found Tom again. Marge met Roxie. Doris met Axel. And Alice became a star. I can still barely believe how much has changed in such a short time.”
“Don’t forget,” Marge chuckled. “We three weren’t the only ones to find true love. After we got to Vegas, Alice hunted down the one that got away—Harry Hayes.”
Alice rolled her eyes as Marge’s laughter poured out, shaking her shoulders.
“Shut up, Marge,” Alice scolded.
I joined in on the laughter, already knowing the full story. Six months ago, Alice informed us that Harry Hayes, the dashing movie star who got away, had been elated to get a call from Alice when she’d moved to Las Vegas. Alice had donned her sexiest attire and gone to his penthouse for lunch ... and the little romantic rendezvous she’d been imagining for years. But much to her horror, the man that had opened the door to greet her was no longer the heartthrob she’d been envisioning. Since he was older than her when they’d met fifty years earlier, he was now, well, elderly.
“I still can’t believe you thought he’d look exactly the same, Alice.” I snorted. “I mean, we all age.”
“Speak for yourself,” she tutted. “I happen to have found a pause button on this whole aging process. I guess I just thought with his money and history of being Hollywood’s sexiest star, that he’d have kept up on himself too.”
“What? The oxygen tank he was hoisting around wasn’t a turn-on?” Marge snorted.
Doris tittered beside us. “You know, it’s not all about looks, Alice. Maybe you should have given him a chance.”
Alice’s perfect nose scrunched up. “I could literally hear his diapers crunching when he walked, Doris. Diapers!”
Marge and I crumpled into laughter, clutching our stomachs as Doris and Alice joined.
“The one that got away,” I managed out before hysterics. “You sure did dodge a bullet there.”
“I dodged a freaking barrage of bullets! A machine gun spray of bullets! I could be there wiping his ass right now!”
She sputtered out the last words. Tears started to pour from my eyes at the vision of beautiful, elegant Alice grimacing while she used a wet wipe on her ancient husband’s ass.
“It’s all fun and games to date older, rich, worldly men, but no one warns you about the end result.” She shook her finger. “No one warns you that there’s ass wiping in your future! For me? Younger men! This is why I’monlydating younger men now. No one is wiping anyone’s ass, okay?”
“So, you’re saying you’re going to be the one getting your ass wiped?” I laughed.
Alice’s mouth opened into a big “O” that matched her wide eyes. “Never! I will never,everneed my ass wiped! I’m gonna be a fit, healthy, sexy woman well into my hundreds!”
“You keep telling yourself that, sweet cheeks.” Marge grinned. “But plastic surgery isn’t going to stop the aging process happening underneath all that taut, pulled skin. It’s coming for you, Alice. It’s coming. Diapers are in all our futures ... yours included.”
A flicker of fear ignited in Alice’s eyes, but she quickly extinguished it, scoffing as she crossed her legs the other way, showing off her incredible form. “Whatever. I’m not aging. I pass. Hard pass.”
“Oh, it’s that easy, huh?” I laughed.
