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“We’re gonna break our necks? I don’t want to do this!” I still didn’t understand what they meant by “ride a line down a mountain,” but from Alice’s reaction, I worried it would be dangerous.
“I’ll breakyourneck if you don’t quit scaring Doris.” Marge cracked her knuckles.
“I’m just saying.” Alice shrugged. “You could break your necks.”
The helicopter touched down in a small field about halfway up the mountain. “This is it, ladies. Unless you want to ride back down to the airfield with me.”
“I’m riding with you,” Alice said decidedly.
“Oh, come on, you pansy ass.” Marge leaned forward and bumped her in the shoulder. “Even little kids go down the zipline. Are you telling me you’re too big of a baby to do something little kids do?”
“Little kids do it?” I perked up. “So, it’s safe then?”
“It’s perfectly safe, Doris,” Sylvie assured me. “Just ignore Alice. And Alice, I do hope you’ll come with us. It’s a whole adventure I’ve got planned. An ATV is waiting just over that hill to take us to the first ziplining platform. Normally, the tour starts at the bottom of the mountain, and customers get shuttled up this far, but we took a shortcut.” She winked at the pilot. “It’s gonna be a lot of fun.”
Alice let out a sigh. “Fine. I’ll do it. But only because I want Marge to feel unquenchable guilt for the rest of her days when I fall and break my neck. I want her guilt to destroy her, and then I’m going to haunt her every night, shaking chains and asking, ‘Who’s the pansy ass now?’ when her hairy little legs run her off, screaming away from my ghostly torment.”
Marge lifted a shoulder and dropped it. “You can’t scare me. I’ll just call the Ghostbusters. We’ll suck you up in that little box and trap you in there, whining for all eternity.”
Alice stuck out her tongue, and Marge returned the gesture.
“Would you two stop it?” Sylvie chuckled and shook her head. “Now that it’s settled and we’re all in, we’ve got to get out and meet the tour. They should be arriving soon, and it will take us about five minutes to hike to the meet spot.”
“Sorry I couldn’t get you ladies closer,” the pilot said. “Didn’t want to risk the winds pushing us into the trees. But it’s just a straight shot through this clearing. Just head for that group of trees, keep going east, and you can’t miss the road about two hundred feet past. When you hit the road, you’ll find your group.”
“We appreciate it, sir.” Marge gave him a little salute. “Thank you for the ride. Really brought back some memories.”
“You’re very welcome. I hope you ladies have fun.”
We bid him goodbye, then one by one, we filed out of the helicopter. I clutched my purse tight to my chest as I ran behind the other three. Fear I would get diced up like apples for a pie kept me hunched low as we scurried out from under the whirling blades.
“Oh man, I missed the feel of the air those babies push out!” Marge stood tall after we were clear, opening her arms and catching the last breeze from the helicopter as it lifted off.
“Okay, ladies!” Sylvie hiked her backpack up on her shoulder. “This way.”
We walked single file behind her, heading in the direction the pilot had pointed. I tried not to let my worry about snakes and other unsavory jungle creatures get ahold of me, but when we reached the trees, a monkey screeched above me and I rushed forward and grabbed ahold of Marge.
“You scared of a monkey?” Marge looked up, pointing at the small creature sitting in the branches above us.
“Yes! They can be quite vicious, I’ve heard. Wild monkeys can bite and pass on terrifying diseases. And they ...” I leaned forward and whispered, “fling feces.”
Marge snorted. “You live on a ranch full of shit. Horse shit. Cow shit. Pig shit. Chicken shit. Shit everywhere, Doris. Now you’re worried about a little monkey and its turd?”
“Well, the animals on our ranch are tame, and they don’tflingit at us on the ranch. It’s easy to step around it. I just don’t want to get feces flung in my face and contract some scary jungle disease. I can handle stepping around a little horse feces, but wild monkey?” I shuddered. “No.”
“How does that work?” Sylvie asked from the front of our group. “Do you have to clean up the shit there?”
“Oh, no.” I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. “I love cats, but I don’t even have one because I can’t imagine scooping poop out of a box. Yuck. I don’t do poop. That’s what the stable hands are for. Axel and Madeline run the ranch and do the overnight rides, but the stable hands do the mucking and chores. Madeline has two sons, Carl and Ted, who manage the staff and do a lot of the cattle ranch work, like branding and moving cattle. Axel helps too, of course, but he’s not a young cowboy anymore, so he lets the youthful men handle a lot of that stuff.”
“And you? What do you do?”
“Oh, I mostly cook.” I lifted my chin with a smile. “When tourist season is in full swing, I’m cooking for an army. I just love it. Three square meals a day plus extras like muffins and desserts. And trail mix. Now, I can make a mean trail mix that everyone raves about on the cattle drives. I’m busy day in and day out cooking up a storm during tourist season, which is May through September.
“And outside of tourist season? What then?”
My face fell a bit. “Well, this was my first winter on the ranch, and it was pretty quiet. There’s only a handful of people around to keep the ranch running while the cattle are pastured for the season, and it’s too cold for tourists. Not many people to cook for, but I like keeping Axel well fed. He jokes I’m trying to make him fat.” I giggled. “So, other than cooking for Axel and me, I did a lot of knitting.”
Alice glanced over her shoulder at me, arching an eyebrow. “You’re married to a silver fox cowboy. I can think of plenty of ways your hands could have been occupied other than knitting.”
