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“Wait! Don’t sit there!” Ndungu started towards us with his hands waving, but it was too late.
Doris’s eyes flashed wide. “Ow! Ow! Ouch! Oh! Ow!” She leaped up with speed that shocked me and started swatting at her behind.
“What’s going on?” Sylvie hurried to her.
“Something is biting me! Ow! Ow! My hiney!”
She spun around, and dozens of ants crawled all over her.
“That was an Army Ant hill!” Ndungu said. “Get them off her!”
“Oh, shit!” Marge hurried over. “Hold on, Doris! We’re coming!”
“Help! Ow! Help!” Doris took off running.
“Stop, drop, and roll! Stop, drop, and roll!” Marge shouted as Doris zigged and zagged while swatting at her behind.
Her blind panic sent her running in circles, and we all called to her to stop running so we could help.
“It burns! It burns!” she screeched, her arms flailing wildly behind her like defective windshield wipers.
“Stop running, Doris!” I shouted as she raced past me.
“Oh, for the love of God,” Marge grumbled, then crouched like a panther as Doris came barreling back past us again. With a grunt, she leaped onto Doris, tackling her to the ground. “Stop, drop and roll!” she shouted as she rolled Doris around underneath her, swatting at the remaining ants climbing on her lower back.
“Ahhhhh!” Doris screamed as she struggled to get free.
“Hold still, Doris! Quit fighting me!”
“It burns!”
Sylvie dropped to her knees and joined Marge in swatting off the last of the ants, then when they were all finished, Doris rolled over onto her back and collapsed in a boneless heap.
“Are they gone? Did you get them?”
“We got them,” Sylvie answered. “You’re safe.”
Doris’s relieved face only lasted a moment, then she winced. “Ow! My back and my hiney hurt!”
“Let me take a look,” Marge said matter-of-factly.
Doris flashed opened her eyes. “At my hiney?”
“I’m a nurse. I’ve seen worse. Just roll over and let me make sure they are only bites and not stings that need tending.”
Doris frowned deeply, then cringed with what I assumed was more pain from the bites.
“You’ll be fine, Doris. It’s just an ass. We’ve all got one. Hell, Margeisone. Please let her look,” I said.
Marge glared at me then stuck out her tongue.
“Let her look, sweetie,” Sylvie soothed. “Then we can make sure you’re okay.”
“Okay. Fine. Turn around,” Doris responded, waving her hand at all of us. “Everyone but Marge needs to turn around.”
With a loud sigh, I spun around. Sylvie and Ndungu followed. We stood with our backs turned while Marge examined Doris’s ass, then finally Marge announced, “She’s fine. Only bites and no swelling. Don’t think we have anything to worry about.”
“It still hurts,” Doris said, and we all turned around to see her buttoning her khaki pants.
