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After the other Widows joined in our embrace for a few moments, we broke apart our hug.
Sylvie looked at me and said, “Now, instead of mourning the firsts you’ll no longer have, let’s take a moment and celebrate the other firsts you’re now starting to experience in life. The freedom to let yourself be vulnerable with a man. The freedom to be soft and open to love. The freedom to kiss the old you goodbye and open your arms to the new you. Those are the greatest firsts of all, Alice.”
“I love that,” I answered, my heart swelling as I realized just how right she was. We folded back into another hug, and the four of us sat embracing while the dancing and drums filled the world surrounding us.
“Now, stop spending this trip pissed at Alejandro for ruining you. You’re not ruined. You’re perfect,” Doris said as we started breaking apart our hug. “And I’m so happy you found your true love.”
“Me too,” I sighed as I sat up. “Thank you for helping me remember that. Being away from him this long was harder than I realized. I appreciate you ladies helping me get my head back in the right space.”
“Anytime,” Sylvie said. “Please talk to us when you’re spinning out. We’ll help get you right again.”
“Thank you, ladies.”
We all smiled at each other, and I said a little silent thank you to the three women who would have my back no matter what.
“They are waving us over,” Ndungu said as he strolled toward us. “Now that the ceremony is over, we’re invited to dance with them.”
“Dancing?” I sat up, my muscles already twitching at the ready to do the thing I loved most. “We can dance?”
“Oh, hell yeah! Let’s go, ladies!” Marge jumped up, the feathers attached to her colorful bra fluttering with the movement. “Ouch.” She paused and clutched her chest. “This thing has zero support. My tatas are like yoyo’s every time I move. Maybe I should sit this out or I may knock myself, or one of you, out with the swinging.”
“No pain, no gain,” I said as I rose to standing. “Ladies, the dance calls to us, and it’s our duty to answer ... sore boobs or not.”
“You’re just saying that because you don’t have any,” Marge shot back.
I shrugged. “A dancer’s gift. Now, Ndungu, lead the way.”
He grinned and led us into the fray, the flames of the huge fire flickering and lighting up the dancers around it. The drumbeat sank into my soul, and I started tapping my foot to it as I tried to decide what dance moves would work best with the beat.
“I don’t know the moves,” Doris said.
“None of us do,” Marge answered. “I think we just get out there and start dancing. Let the music move you.”
“Dance like no one is watching,” Sylvie said, then she started wiggling her hips, the beads on her sarong clinking together with the movement.
Just when I had decided on the routine I would wow them with as if they were an audience at one of my shows, I watched the wild and free dancers moving like there wasn’t an audience in sight. Instead of starting my old routine, I decided to take Sylvie’s advice and dance like no one was watching ... let my body free to flow however the music moved me.
I started shaking my hips with my Widows, our smiles widening as we slipped into rhythm. The four of us started shimmying our way into the group, our beads clanking and clinking with the movement. My soul soared as we whooped and leaped around the fire, letting go of all the restraints that had once held me back in my life. How much I’d worried about what people thought of me. My beauty. My constant battle against aging. That need to hold onto the old me ... the one I barely recognized anymore. Out here, none of it mattered. Out here in the bush, the only thing that mattered was how much you gave yourself to the music.
Out here, we were free, just like I was with my Alejandro. I just hadn’t realized it until now.
“Whoo-hoo!” Doris hooted as the music sped up.
We shimmied fast on our feet, hands in the air as we mimicked the dancers around us. We let ourselves go together as we leaped around the fire, opening ourselves to the experience that I knew would change us all forever.
