AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Marge gestured at her kilt. “You wanted me in traditional attire. It’s tradition you don’t wear anything under a kilt. Everyone knows that Scottish men are walking around with those babies swinging around like church bells on a Sunday morning.”
I whimpered. “Oh no! Now I’m never going to be able to hear the beautiful church bells again without thinking about ... you know! How am I ever going to sit in my pew without imagining those things swinging around over my head?”
“Don’t ruin church for Doris!” Sylvie scolded. “It’s where she goes to pray for the rest of us so we don’t all end up in hell.”
“Just telling you the truth.” Marge shrugged.
Alice waved her finger toward Marge, though she missed and pointed it at me since she still had her hand over her eyes. “You may not be wearing underwear, but it looks like you’re wearing an entire garden under there! For God’s sake, Marge! A razor! Use a freaking razor, and for the love ... put on some damn underwear!”
“Can’t do it. Gotta keep it authentic. No underroos for this gal.”
“Oh, Marge.” Sylvie puckered her face. “I think we can make an exception for underwear. We didn’t need to see that. Yowza.”
Still shocked, I could only nod and simply answer, “I agree.”
Alice stuck out her hands and started reaching out into the air, her eyes wide open. “Help! I’m blind! I’m blind!”
Marge gave her a shove. “Quit yer griping. I’m doing what you asked. Traditional clothes. I’m in them. You’re just gonna have to deal with it.”
Alice stopped her faux display of blindness and spun to face Marge, planting her hands on her hips. “If that kilt so much as lifts one inch higher than your hairy knees, I’m going to go find one of those big old metal chastity belts and strap you in that thing so we never,everhave to see what’s happening under that kilteveragain.”
Marge crooked a grin. “All natural, baby. Just as God made me.”
Alice stared back. “God also made the people who invented razors, Marge. And underwear. Use them.”
I looked at Alice and nodded. “I agree with the others, Marge. I think you should wear underwear while we’re here. But if you don’t, then please make sure your kilt stays down. That was ... shocking.”
“Yeah, yeah. Fine. I’ll be more careful. Didn’t realize I was with a bunch of prudes.”
“We’re not prudes,” Alice answered. “We just have eyes we’d like to keep instead of having them burned out of our heads trying to erase that imagine from our minds.”
Sylvie chuckled and slung an arm around Marge’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go get in some regular clothes,withunderwear, and go see Scotland.
“Deal,” Marge answered.
We gave a wave to the other couples and the few other guests we’d met who were still eating breakfast, then left to go change.
A half hour later, I met the Widows in the hallway, feeling a bit sad to see everyone back in modern clothes.
“It’s pretty cold out today.” Sylvie closed her room door. “You may want to grab a scarf.”
“Good idea.” I spun around and hurried into my room, coming back out with a scarf to combat the chill in the wintery air.
“Uber meeting us out front?” Alice asked as we started through the castle.
Sylvie’s eyes lit up when she looked over her shoulder. “Better.”
“Better?” I asked.
“You’ll see,” she responded, her steps quickening with her excitement.
We all shared a look then followed her out of the castle to the driveway out front. Finley gave us a wave from where he stood beside an old, tiny red car.
“She’s gassed up and ready for you!” He smiled while waving us over.
“Oh! It’s so cute!” I hurried toward it. “Are we driving this?”
“Finley said borrowing the cars is part of our stay. These are vintage Scottish cars! Cool, huh?” Sylvie grinned widely.
