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“Oh, Alice. You never do change.” Doris tsked then giggled.
“And aren’t you lucky I don’t. Why mess with perfection?” She lifted her chin and winked.
We chuckled with her, and then I pointed to the Australian airline. “This is us. And before you say anything, Alice, yes, I upgraded us all to first class. Now that I’ve got all this money from our shoe sales, I’m not sparing any expense. You’ve treated us more times than I can count, and it’s about time I can pay you back. First class all the way. You won’t be disappointed!”
Alice stared at me like I’d grown three heads. “You mean I don’t have to fight you not to spend the next umpteen hours squished into coach because you were too cheap to splurge?”
“Nope.”
“Hmm,” she answered, then shrugged. “Maybe this trip won’t be so bad after all.”
Excitement about my wish rose inside me like the volcano they worried we were jumping into. “It’s gonna be awesome, ladies! Now, let’s get this show on the road, or should I say ...” I slipped into an Australian accent and repeated myself. “Let’s have a g’day and get this show on the road, mates!”
Sylvie cringed. “For the love of God, don’t start talking weird the whole time.”
“Amen to that. Let’s not say the wrong thing and offend the locals, Marge.” Alice grabbed her bag and spun on her little pink shoe.
“Crikey, mates! Stop having a whinge!’” I trotted off after her. “That’s Australian slang for stop worrying. See? I know my stuff. I’m only giving you a little taste of what awaits us in Australia!”
“Australia! How exciting!” Doris squealed and puttered along after us.
With excitement fluttering inside me for the adventure awaiting, I followed along to the check-in terminal, and after we were done, the four of us headed to the security line.
“Why do they make us do this every time?” Doris asked as she put her purse and small carry-on bag in the plastic tub at the security checkpoint. It started down the conveyer belt along with the rest of the bags. “I hate having to take my shoes off in public like this. It’s so unsanitary.”
“You’re telling me,” Alice huffed. “It’s undignified, is what it is.”
“It’s for security and safety,” Sylvie answered.
“But why my shoes? It’s not like I have a bomb in my shoe,” Doris said too loudly.
We all gasped as we looked at her and then at the concerned faces of the surrounding travelers ... and the security guard now staring at her like she was America’s most wanted.
“Doris,” I whispered harshly, “you can’t say the B-word at the airport!”
“I didn’t. I mean, I did, but I said Idon’thave a bomb. I didn’t say Ihavea bomb. That’s not illegal. I think you only can’t yell, ‘I have a bomb.’”
I slapped my head. “Doris! For cripes sake, stop saying the B-word!”
“Doris!” Sylvie leaned over. “Would you be quiet! Security is staring at you, and that guard is coming this way!”
Doris huffed, her face scrunching as she argued back. “But I didn’t do anything wrong! I just said Idon’thave a bomb. That should be a good thing!”
The security guard closest to us said something into his coms and placed his hand on his hip, covering what I imagined was some kind of taser or weapon.
Alice pressed her hands to her hair. “Oh, Jesus. Now you’ve done it, Doris. We’re not even out of the state yet, and we’re already going to jail.”
“What? Who’s going to jail? Me? Why would I go to jail? I don’t have a bomb!”
“I’m pretty sure he thinks you do,” Sylvie said with a sigh as she pointed to the guard. “Stop talking, Doris. Please.”
Doris spun around to face the large man striding our way, his eyes narrowed as he beelined straight toward her.
“Ma’am, please keep your hands where I can see them,” he said loudly.
Everyone around us looked at Doris like she was a criminal mastermind about to blow them to smithereens, and they quickly moved away, leaving us standing alone in the security line.
“What? Me?” Doris said, her eyes bulging as she pointed at her chest.
