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“We need to sleep,” she says, her voice stronger now.
I move over, finally giving her the space she needs, but it feels like defeat.
We lie there in the dark, the silence between us heavy and charged. I can hear her breathing, can feel the warmth of her body close to mine, but she feels miles away.
I close my eyes and try to sleep, but it comes slowly. Frustration chews at my insides, a reminder that I should never have even tried. It wouldn’t end well because I’m meant to be alone.
Soon, I hear her snoring gently beside me, and it takes everything in me not to turn around and pull her close.
We’re here together, but I’ve never felt so alone.
11
Dream
“Diego wants to delay the meeting,” I say, holding out my phone. “He says he’s worried that I’ve been followed.”
“What?! Let me see that,” Nikolai replies, dashing across the room and taking the phone out of my hand. He holds it close to his face, his vivid green eyes darting over messages. “What a fucking idiot. Border Patrol doesn’t follow people all the way into Mexico. Nobody is coming after you or the drugs.”
I sigh. “Yeah, well, that’s what he said. He wants me to come to Dimalona on Monday.”
“Weren’t you originally supposed to be there on Thursday? Now Friday is somehow too early for them?” He counts the days on his fingers before handing the phone back to me. “Alright, it’s only a couple more days. Tell him it’s fine.”
“A couple more days could be too much for Eddy,” I reply, my stomach twisting up at the thought of abandoning him for any longer than necessary.
“Don’t arouse suspicion,” he snaps. “Just agree to it, and we’ll make sure to fuck them up good once Eddy is delivered to us. Diego, and whoever else is involved in this is going to pay.”
“I just want Eddy back. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
Nikolai grins, pulling a gun from his bag and tucking it into the front of his pants. “Yeah, but I do.”
My breath hitches in my throat. “I thought we were staying here for today?”
“We are,” he replies, putting his shirt on and thumbing the buttons in place.
I narrow my eyes. “And you said the Cartel doesn’t hang out around here.”
“You can never be too careful,” he replies in a nonchalant manner. “Don’t let the gun get to you. It’s for your protection just as much as mine.”
I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me, but with the way he likes to play with my feelings and skirt around the truth, I doubt I’d be able to figure out what it is before I go crazy. It’s better to leave it alone and allow him to take the lead for now.
“So, you think we could get some food?” I ask, my stomach grumbling as I realize we skipped out on dinner last night.
“I was just about to suggest that,” he says, smoothing back his hair in front of a cracked mirror. “I hope you like Mexican.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, not much of a choice out here, is there?”
“I mean, once we arrive in one of the major cities, there will be all the typical garbage you Americans enjoy, but for now, you’re stuck with the authentic stuff,” he replies, looking over his shoulder and winking at me.
If I could die from annoyance, I’d already be rotting into the floorboards by now. I don’t understand how Nikolai can drive me into such a frustrated state, making me want to slap him and kiss him at the same time.
Maybe that’s what I should’ve done last night. The kiss wasn’t enough because he’s still on his worst behavior.
“So, let’s go,” I say, grabbing my dirty jeans off the floor and climbing into them. “I also need something clean to wear.”
“There’s a market about half a mile down the road that’ll have clothes,” he says, cupping his hand against his neck and running it over the stubble that grew overnight. “I might need to find a barber shop later.”
“You brought a gun but not a razor?” I ask, trying to find any little thing to fault him for.
