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If I didn't know what to think before, I was even less sure now.
"I suppose so," I said reluctantly. "This is all just so…"
"Yes, it is. That's why I came to apologise. You shouldn't be in the middle of all of this. You're not a knife or an arrow. You deserve better than to be treated like one. By the way, telling Harel to fuck off like that was the best thing I've seen in a long time. I wanted to applaud. I've been telling him that for years, but never with quite as much conviction. And the look on his face." Ryze chuckled. "I won't forget that anytime soon."
I grinned. "It felt good." My smile faded. "Unless, as you said, all of that was an act and I played right into it. The situation made Cavan look like he was on our side. Especially after Tavian threw the knife."
"That was my second favourite part of the day. Much more fun than seeing that building glowing red, and thinking at any moment now it was going to explode and take me with it. I was seriously rethinking my life choices for a while there."
This was the first time Ryze mentioned being afraid of anything. I hadn't even considered what he might have been feeling, standing on the ground, trying to cool the stone and keeping it from killing anyone.
"You really think the heat would have spread?" I asked.
"Without a doubt," he said. "Another minute or two, and the ground would have been too hot to stand on. Anything made of wood would have gone up in flames. Anyone standing there would have been incinerated."
"Including you," I said softly.
"Including me," he agreed. "And Vayne. I thought Tavian was closer than he was, but I was worried for him too. Don't tell anyone, but I was worried for the Summer Court Fae too."
"If you're not careful, people might start to think you're not an asshole after all," I warned.
He turned his face to look at me. "Shit, really? We can't have that happening. People might start to like me, or something ridiculous."
I hadn't realised how much I missed his amused expression until it was right in front of me. He didn't take anything too seriously for long. On the surface anyway.
Inside, he took everything a lot more seriously. His humour was a way to conceal that. In the end, Ryze would do anything for his people, the same way Cavan would do anything for his.
Or would he? Shit, I didn't know what to think about Cavan right now.
"Trust is a precious commodity," Ryze said softly, as though reading my thoughts. He must have sensed them through the bond. Or he was that astute. Maybe both.
"Once it's lost, it's difficult to get it back again. But it's the one thing we should try never to lose, or take for granted. If I could go back again and do everything over—"
"I know why you did what you did," I said. "I was pissed off at you for not telling me everything, but I understand. And you're right, I would have freaked out. I would have been terrified of my heat. That might have all been for nothing. You did it to spare me. Honestly, if you had told me and I didn't transform, I would spend the rest of my life thinking what if it happened at the next heat, or the one after that."
"I've never heard of that happening, but I can understand why you'd think that way. No one ever said brains were logical. Sometimes they tell us things that aren't true."
"Like trusting Cavan?" I asked.
"Or mistrusting him," Ryze said. "I stand by every decision I've ever made as High Lord, but this one… This one might come back to bite me on the ass. No matter what I do, I might end up screwing us all."
"Is there any way to know what the right choice is without jumping straight in?" I asked.
"There might be," he mused. "Does this mean you're not angry with me anymore?"
"I'm not as angry as I was," I said. I couldn't go too easy on him. He wouldn't want me to anyway.
"It's a start." He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me. Tentative at first, as if he thought I might slap him for it. Deeper when he went unslapped.
"What are you going to do to make it up to me?" I asked between kisses. Every time our lips met, my body burned a little more. It wasn't just the alpha-omega connection. It went far deeper than that.
I wanted him because I cared about him. Through the bond, I felt his emotions. In a matter of moments, I could barely tell my need from his.
"I can think of a couple of things. Do you trust me not to hurt you?" He pulled back and looked at me intently.
"Yes." I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into, but I knew he wouldn't. Not deliberately.
"Good." He grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it up over my head. He tossed it aside. "Roll over onto your stomach." He climbed off the bed and walked over to pick up the candle.
