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“How can you tell?”
“He’s smiled more today than he has in the last five years. He lost his smile when he lost my mother and brother. It’s good to see it again.”
Those compassionate eyes of hers fill up with tears. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like for him.” She pauses for a second and sighs. “Actually, I can. There was a time after Sienna’s death that I thought I’d never smile again, either.”
I nod. “Losing anyone you care about is hard. Losing a sibling is harder. You’re supposed to grow old with them, you know?”
She wipes away a tear and places her fingertips on my wrist. “I know.”
“Leonid was supposed to bepakhan. But there was no time to mourn him. I was forced to pick myself up and carry on.”
“That’s what happened to me, too. I had to be there for the kids. I didn’t have the luxury of falling apart.”
It’s weird to think I have so much in common with Emma. When she first walked into my office almost two years ago, she couldn’t have seemed more different than me, more alien.
And now…
Now, I can’t imagine my life without her.
It’s a sobering thought. One that makes me reflect on my father’s mental catatonia. Would I have reacted any different if I were to lose Emma or one of those kids? Could I really afford to have judged him when I had no goddamn clue what he had gone through?
Emma’s hand is still on my wrist, rubbing it in slow, tender circles. “What was your brother like?”
“What was he like?” I repeat, thinking back as his face flashes before my mind’s eye. “He was everything to me when I was a boy. Confident, fierce, charismatic. Protective as hell.”
She smiles. “Sounds like someone I know.”
I laugh as the salty spray over the bow kisses her cheeks. “I wasn’t as confident when I was younger. I certainly wasn’t charismatic. And I never had a reason to be protective.”
“I don’t believe you. But even if I did, I’d say it sounds like you became the person you admired most. That’s beautiful, you know. He’s still alive in you. You’re a memorial to him.”
That catches me by surprise. I look down at her and think for the millionth time how beautiful she is to me. She’s pure from the roots of her soul to the surface of her sun-kissed skin. I never want to leave this boat, this moment. Her gazing up at me like I made the world for her with my own two hands… It’s everything I never knew I needed.
“Aunt Emma! Ruslan!” The kids launch themselves out of the cabin in their swimsuits, excitement pouring off their wide, toothy smiles. Even Josh is grinning from ear to ear. “Let’s get in the water! Come on. Come on. Come on!”
I strip off my shirt and gesture for Fyodor and Vadim to join us. The ship sways gently in the deep ocean current, though the anchor keeps us held in position.
“I want to jump in,” Caro insists when I start to unspool the rope ladder to toss it over the side.
Reagan nods emphatically. “Me, too!”
I pause and regard them. Josh already looks resigned to doing things the safe way, the proper way. Which is why it makes me laugh so much to scowl as seriously as I can, right up to the point that they’re sure I’m going to insist on following the protocols…
Then turn and haul ass toward the bow.
“You’ll have to beat me to it then!” I call over my shoulder. I catch just a glimpse of their shocked, delighted smiles before I launch myself over the edge.
The ocean beckons as I fall, blue and beautiful. Their laughter follows me as I knife down and through the surface. I plummet down, then reverse course and float up to the top. Six smiling faces look down at me. Emma, the kids, my father, my uncle, all slightly confused to see me so carefree.
I don’t blame them; I’m a little confused myself.
But the sun is shining and the water is clear and life has never seemed more perfect.
My grin spreads. “Who’s next?”
Josh jumps in first with a crackling yowl, then Caroline, then Reagan. Vadim begs off a swim, opting for another cocktail on the deck, but Fyodor surprises me by quickly changing into a bathing suit and jumping in after the kids. When was the last time I’d seen him this enthusiastic? This participatory?
“Your turn,” I say to Emma once we’re all bobbing happily in the current. She’s leaning far over the stanchion looking down at us.
