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Smiling briefly at the nurse to let her know I had no problem with it, I crouched down in front of Miles and held his free hand.
“Hey, baby, we’re going to take you to the doctor now, okay?” His breaths grew shallower and I inwardly cursed, knowing how much he hated going to the hospital. He was far too young to have spent as much time there as he had.
“In and out, baby.” I smiled and placed his hand against my chest as I breathed deep, willing him to match my breathing. “There you go, I’m so proud of you. You’re doing great but we still need to get you checked out.”
Miles’ lower lip wobbled as he rose to his feet, the little girl coming with him. I looked down at her with a warm smile. “Thank you for taking care of him, Daisy.”
She gripped his hand a little tighter and tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked from Miles to me and then Adam. “You’ll help my friend, right, Uncle Gage?”
“Absolutely, kiddo. How about when we’re all done, I call your dad and give him an update on how Miles is doing?” My chest pinched from his words, knowing he meant them and wasn’t just placating her.
She nodded her little head, braids swaying before turning to Miles and giving him a hug. Daisy whispered something that I couldn’t hear, making Miles smile and I was beyond grateful that this sweet child was my son’s friend.
When she released him, Adam stepped forward and scooped Miles into his arms so that he wouldn’t have to walk to the truck. I ran behind them, Miles’ backpack gripped tightly in my hands. I jumped into the back with Miles and Adam started the drive to the hospital.
“Almost there, buddy. You’re doing great,” Miles glanced toward the rearview mirror when Adam spoke. I knew he must be confused about why Adam was with us but he also seemed happy that he was there.
Now, it was hours later and we were home from the hospital with a new prescription. Miles was sleeping, his breaths deep and even while I lay next to him on the bed and ran a hand over his hair.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life.” I glanced toward Adam when he spoke. His arms were crossed over his chest while he leaned against the doorframe.
“It happens,” I whispered with a sad smile so as not to wake Miles. “It also never gets easier. I was scared today, too, just as much as the first time he had an attack.”
Kissing Miles on the cheek, I climbed out of the bed, stopping in the doorway to look back at him just to watch my son breathe and feel thankful he was all right. Then I softly shut the door and walked to my living room where I collapsed on the couch, utterly exhausted.
“Thank you for your help today,” I said when Adam sat next to me.
“Jesus, angel, don’t thank me.” His elbows were propped on his knees and he dropped his head into his hands.
Confused by his quick change in behavior, my forgotten anger returned and I jumped to my feet. “Then what the hell do you want from me, Adam? You clearly don’t want to be with me but every time I turn around there’s more evidence that you’ve been all up in my life. New lotion, new shoes, a fucking car which I know is from you and doesn’t belong to Roe’s made-up cousin. You fuck me but you don’t sleep with me. And then worst of all, you aren’t even stalking me anymore!” I stomped my foot when I finished and narrowed my eyes at his stupid, gorgeous, awestruck face.
“Please,” I said quieter, some of the anger disappearing with my plea. “Please, just decide, are you in this with me or not because I can’t take this not knowing anymore. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to Miles. And if you’re out, then you need to leave us alone.”
He was off the couch and I was in his arms before I could blink. Then, I was lying flat on the couch, my wrists held firmly in his grip and trapped between our chests. Nothing about the position hurt while at the same time I wasn’t going anywhere. Adam’s eyes were wild, as if he’d finally stopped holding back whatever was inside of him that kept him returning night after night.
“I’ll never leave you alone, Mia. Never. God help you for asking me to, because I won’t, I can’t.”
“But, you did leave.” He flinched like I’d struck him but he didn’t loosen his hold or deny my words. “Why?”
“Fuck, Mia. I pointed a gun at your head. You’re not safe with me around.”
“Bullshit.” His hands jolted around mine. “I’ve never been safer than when you came into my life. You had a bad dream, it happens.”
“It’s not bullshit, Mia. I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life and I dream about them more often than I want to admit. The last place I should be when I’m asleep is in bed with you. When I think about what I could’ve done…” His hands gripped me harder and his face paled.
“Nothing happened, you woke up and instantly knew where you were and who I was. This is something we can work through, together, come up with a plan for if it happens again. You aren’t alone, Adam. What we have is good, don’t throw it away because you’re scared.”
His eyes searched my face and I didn’t blink, he’d find nothing there but absolute certainty. Adam closed his eyes and rested his forehead against my own. I chose to take the gesture as acceptance.
“We’re agreed, no more disappearing acts?” He nodded. “Good, because you have a lot of making up to do and not just with me.”
“Does he hate me?”
“Miles doesn’t hate you. He loves you as much as I do. But, he’s a child, he’s hurt and you need to make things right.”
Adam lifted his head, “What did you just say?”
“I said you need to make things right.”
