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“He was dying. Dad was going to be in prison. It was true.”
“That’s sad.”
Alex shrugged his shoulder like it didn’t really matter. “It’s one of those hard things, remember? The thing that is going to make me stronger? I mean, I guess it didn’t have to, but I determined that I would do what Uncle Bob suggested. I... I didn’t want to be my dad. I didn’t want to shoot someone, especially someone I really loved, and then spend the rest of my life in prison. And my dad was a pretty tough dude, but he was scared to death of going to prison.”
Alex paused there. He pursed his lips and then said, “I guess for good reason. He died there.”
That’s right. She’d forgotten that he told her his dad died while in prison.
“All right. Enough with the unhappy thoughts. Anyway, the point was, it’s been a long time since I’ve done construction work, but I know how to do it. I think... I think I’d like to get back to that. I... I ended up going in a different direction in college, which was maybe a good thing. And I don’t regret that. But I’d forgotten that sometimes life can be simple and you can be happy. Or maybe I never knew it. I think I’d like to try that.”
Clara blinked. “I can agree with that. Life can be simple, and you can be happy. I think, I always believed anyway, that you could choose to be happy, choose to be content. But honestly, with a life like that, I’m not sure.”
“Weren’t you listening? It’s the hard times that make us stronger. Sure, a different life would be nice, but... I wouldn’t be where and what I am today if I hadn’t had those hard knocks.”
She pressed her lips together. She wasn’t sure whether she would want to be where he was if she had to go through what he had gone through. But once a person was through it, they could look back and learn. They didn’t have to look back and live through it again. His attitude was best, and she could admit that, even as she knew she wasn’t sure she would have survived his childhood.
“You know, there’s a difference between you and me.” His words were casual like he was just pointing out something that wasn’t obvious, although she had to fight back a snort, because of course they were different. “You’re soft. You flutter around, all happy, smiling at people, trusting people. You’re really quick to lend a helping hand, and you’re eager to do what you can to be a blessing to people. I’m a lot harder. More demanding. I take life with both hands, and I wrestle it into submission. Maybe that’s a difference in our childhoods. But I think I’m tired of wrestling. I think I want to let go of life and maybe just float for a bit. Not float as in give up, but float as in...let God wrestle with my life while I just hold on to Him and let Him pull me wherever He wants to.”
“Wow. That’s... That’s beautiful. That’s exactly what I think we’re supposed to do as Christians. We’re not supposed to stress and worry and strive the way we do. Although, I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with working hard.”
“Me either. And I intend to work hard getting the schoolhouse in shape. But there’s a difference between working hard and stressing while you’re doing it. Always with your eyes on something else, never content with what you have been given.”
Clara couldn’t disagree.
“I just want to thank you for helping me with that. Helping me see that. Taking me to Strawberry Sands and reminding me that there is more to life than what I was currently living for.”
She wanted to ask if him losing his dad and his mom and his uncle and the complete lack of any kind of anchor in his childhood was the reason that he didn’t seem to have any relationships, not just romantic relationships, but friendship relationships. He seemed to be very much alone. And she wondered if that was the reason. If it was a deliberate thing on his part, or if it was something that he had unconsciously done.
But she wasn’t sure what words to use. And wasn’t sure it was any of her business anyway.
“I scared you?” he said after they had been eating in silence for a while, and his fork scraped the bottom of his cardboard box.
“No. I guess you just gave me a lot to think about. I sometimes wonder what makes people tick, you know? And I thought that maybe your childhood has made it so that it’s difficult for you to have solid relationships because you never really had them when you were a kid.” She sighed. “Or never really had anyone who truly cared about you. Cared that good things happen to you. Like a parent should. A kid isn’t for their parents’ entertainment, although I think parents love to watch their children. But a child is supposed to be something the parent cares about and wants to see the best for them. And we grow up, knowing that is what we put into our relationships. Loving the people who are our friends and family and doing things so they know that we want the best for them.”
“Maybe. I guess I never really thought about it. I... I don’t feel comfortable in relationships and... Maybe that’s why. Maybe I feel like they’re not going to last.” He swallowed and set his carton down on the floor. He stretched his legs out and put his hands behind him. “Maybe people just leave, and I just expect that.”
She felt a little guilty, because she had been thinking about leaving. He had been the only thing that had kept her from quitting her job. That probably was information that wouldn’t help him in any way, so she closed her lips around it.
“But maybe, maybe I just needed to have a relationship with Jesus and develop that before I worked on having relationships with people. Because most of the time, we have relationships based on what other people do for us. And we don’t really think about what we can do for them. At least I don’t. You’re different.”
“It’s kind of my job to think about what I can do for you. So don’t give me any credit.”
“You help your mom without getting paid for it. You encouraged Griff in his endeavor to make the best stuff he can. You encouraged Chi in her business of owning the diner. I’ve watched you over the years help your siblings, your friends, and your coworkers. And I know it’s your job to help me, but you always go above and beyond what I ask you to do. I’ve never said anything, because after a while I just expected it, but the idea of losing you, of hiring someone who is just your run-of-the-mill administrative assistant, made me realize how much of a blessing I truly had in you.”
He seemed like he wanted to say more, but he closed his mouth and stared out the window.
She didn’t really know what to say. She supposed when she watched him, she often got the impression that for him, it was all about making money, getting bigger, being more successful. Whatever that looked like at the time. Whether it was acquiring more or selling to the highest bidder.
“I’m flying back down to the Cities tomorrow.”
“You flew in just for today?”
He stilled beside her, almost seemed to stop breathing, and then his head turned to her. “Yeah. I just wanted to come see you.”
Her eyes widened, and her fork froze in midair. He had flown the whole way from Minneapolis to Chicago, which wasn’t an excessive distance, but flying was a hassle, and he had done it just for her?
“Did you have something you needed to talk about?” she asked, knowing that they’d just spent the last hour talking, but not about anything that was so important he would have to fly home in order to do it.
