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“None of them were ever call girls.” He wanted to be clear about that.
“I didn’t mean it that way. I think you know what I meant.”
“I did. I just didn’t want you to insinuate more than what happened with anyone else.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I just wanted to make sure we understood each other.”
“I understand.” She glanced over before looking back at the road, the traffic getting heavier. “I understand. I don’t belong in that world. I’m not comfortable there, and... I don’t want to be there.”
“So you’re content with a crush, and the idea of it, but not turning it into anything that resembled reality?”
She took a breath, breathing in deeply, blowing it out. “We seem like an odd couple, don’t we?”
He didn’t like that. But it was true. “Maybe I’ll become a small-town guy, and then we won’t be so odd together.”
“You know, one of the hallmarks of a bad relationship is if someone asks you to change. And I guess I agree with that in some ways. I don’t think that anyone should change to make someone love them. That seems like bribery. But our love for Jesus changes us. Just as his love for us does. I’m not entirely sure that changing in a relationship, or for a relationship, is bad. It’s just when someone threatens you and holds their love over your head.”
“So you’re telling me I’m allowed to change into a small-town boy?”
She laughed a little. “I guess I was just trying to justify that in my head. Because when someone says ‘I’ll change for you,’ it automatically sounds wrong. Just because of the way we’ve been conditioned in society. But isn’t that what we do for Jesus? We change for him. And isn’t the relationship between a man and woman supposed to mirror the relationship between Christ and the church? So, maybe there are things that change a couple, not because of the threat of love being withheld, but because the other person is just that good for them. Or they want to do it to be a better person, someone that the person they love deserves.”
He understood what she was saying, understood that it was such a far cry from what modern man considered normal, he would have to think about it for a while. He had been joking, a little bit anyway, about becoming a small-town boy for her. He didn’t think he had to change in order to win her love. If that’s what he was even doing. Yet he hadn’t articulated that to himself at all. But sometimes changing for someone was a good thing.
“My grandma loved her husband. And she willingly gave up her teaching job, knowing she had to when she got married. That’s a change, a change I love. I think today we look back on that and shake our heads and say that she sacrificed too much, but sometimes love is sacrifice.”
“That’s exactly right. Exactly what I was thinking. Sometimes love is sacrifice. Sometimes love is change. Sometimes love means giving up.”
“Sometimes love means letting go.”
She tilted her head, then slanted her eyes at him. “That’s true.”
“I was thinking about that. About you. About what you want with your job, and how you want your paintings, and how I was doing everything I could to get you to not leave. I just want you to know that I’ll support you whatever you do. If you want a patron to back you as you step out, trying to sell your paintings and make a living from them, you can count me in.”
He didn’t say that to make her smile. He said it because he was sincere, but a grin split across her face.
“Really?” she asked, sounding like she couldn’t believe it.
“Really.”
“All right. Will you give me some time to think about it?” she asked, although it didn’t really sound like a question. It sounded like she knew he was going to let her think as long as she wanted to about it.
“Of course. You just let me know when you’re ready. I... I’ll never be able to find someone to replace you, but I won’t probably need another administrative assistant.”
“Really?”
“I’m going to be downsizing, and I probably won’t need as much help. I am going to stop traveling. That’s for sure. I... I think it’s gonna be hard for me to shut off the part of me that always wants to do more and bigger and better, but there’s definitely a peaceful tranquility of living in Strawberry Sands, and I want to settle there. Permanently.”
“Permanently?” She seemed like she hadn’t believed that he was actually going to make the move. Hadn’t he been clear?
“Yeah. I told you I spent my time in the Cities last week undoing everything I had done. Getting out of some other things and starting to wind down the business in Chicago. I’m serious. Strawberry Sands will be my home, and things are going to look a lot different.”
She nodded, but they’d gotten to the point where traffic forced her to keep her attention on the road, and so he backed off.
Getting instructions for the nursing home, he connected it to his car speaker, and they drove the rest of the way in silence.
