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“Do you see them often?”
“Every day. We all bought houses in the same street.”
He smiles. “You look after each other.”
“I guess.” I shrug.
“It sounds like you have a good network around you.”
I nod.
“Do you ever think about death, Henley?”
I swallow the lump in my throat as my eyes rise to meet his. “I don’t care if I die.”
“What about others?”
My breath begins to shake again. “It’s not something I dwell on.”
“What about inside a relationship? Does it ever cross your mind?”
“No,” I snap.
“But”—he pauses as if collecting his thoughts—“if you do love another woman . . . she might die and leave you, couldn’t she?”
I clench my jaw. His words strike a chord in the pit of my stomach.
“And you couldn’t possibly go through that pain again, could you?”
I close my eyes. This topic is too real. “Shut up.”
“Because where would you be if another woman you loved left this earth before you? Is that where your thought process has taken you?”
“Shut. Up,” I snap, infuriated. “This is not helping. Just fucking fix me. I don’t go over this shit. It doesn’t fucking help. All it does is upset me again.”
“Your reaction to relationships is completely understandable,” he says calmly.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” I spit.
“In my opinion, you have posttraumatic stress disorder brought on by an apocalyptic event. The human mind has an intelligence of its own. It will do whatever it takes to protect you from future harm.”
I clench my jaw so hard that I feel like my teeth may crack.
“It’s called self-preservation, Henley. Your mind is unconsciously protecting you from harm. If you don’t love someone with your whole heart, you can never feel that pain again.”
The floor moves beneath me as I stare at him.
“But this behavior no longer serves you, Henley. It’s now sabotaging your happiness and future. You need to make a conscious decision to let it go.”
“Let it go,” I huff. “Like it’s that fucking easy? You think I want to be like this?”
“Unconsciously, yes.”
“Fuck you.”
“The first step of recovery is acknowledgement of this behavior.”
“You have no idea what you’re fucking talking about,” I spit. “I’m not listening to this shit for one minute longer.” I stand and march from the office. I’ve had as much of this fucking idiot as I can take. “I won’t be back.”
