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I take a seat and lean my elbows on my knees. My heart is racing.
Next of kin.
The kind receptionist calls someone, and I watch her with my heart in my throat.
Who did she call?
The double doors open, and a man in scrubs with a stethoscope around his neck comes into view. “Henley?”
On autopilot, I stand. “Yes.”
“This way, please.” He turns and walks down the corridor, and I follow him down to the ward where an empty bed sits in a private room.
“Where is he?”
“Having a scan. He had a significant blow to the head and is unconscious.”
“Still?” My eyes are wide. “He’s been out for how long?”
“Over an hour now.” He gestures to a chair. “Take a seat. I need to talk to you.”
I drop to the chair.
“I just need to go over your father’s health plan.”
“I’ll cover everything. You don’t need to worry about payment. Just give him the best treatment that there is.”
“Henley.” He pauses. “He has a do-not-resuscitate order on his file.”
“What?”
“He has specified that if something happens, he doesn’t want to be resuscitated.”
The doctor’s silhouette blurs.
“That’s ridiculous,” I spit. “You have to do all you can.”
“You need to respect his wishes.”
“You do it,” I spit angrily. “He’s just knocked out; he’s going to be fine.” I stand. “You go to that scan room, and you do your fucking job and fix him.” I’m outraged. “Why are you wasting time in here blubbering this nonsense to me when he needs you in there?”
The doctor stands. “He’ll be back from the scans soon.”
“And I’ll be here waiting for him.” I don’t know why, but I’m furious with this doctor. “He’ll be awake soon. He’s a fighter,” I tell him.
The doctor gives me a sad smile and leaves me alone.
I begin to pace back and forth. Back and forth.
He doesn’t want to be resuscitated . . . Why? Why would he say that?
Aren’t I enough to live for?
I drop to the chair in the corner, my mind floating between the now and then.
I see my father and mother, so happy and in love. Our family vacations and the house filled with noise and laughter. The love between them in Technicolor brightness, so over the top that it could be felt by all who knew them.
I’m sorry. We couldn’t save her.
