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“I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think you were ready.”
“I know.”
“You’ve taken the first step.”
“I just don’t know what comes next,” I admit.
“That’s okay. Skate because you love it and it brings you joy. We can figure out the rest from there.”
36 IN IT TOGETHER
BJ
Over the weeks leading up to the holiday break, Winter and I develop a new routine. We start with private ice time twice a week, and then we take advantage of the free skates at the school arena so our housemates can join us. Every time I step onto the ice, it gets easier. The path from here to wherever I’m going won’t be easy, but Winter is right; I’ve taken the first step. Everything else we can figure out as we go.
The end of the semester is full of exam prep and hockey games for Winter. Because games are on weekends, she hasn’t been back to Pearl Lake since the beginning of the semester. Our parents brought Thanksgiving to us this year, as Winter had an away game on Saturday and practice on Friday.
Once we finish exams, we head home for the holidays. Not sleeping beside Winter for three weeks sucks, but the down time will be nice. Winter has picked up some shifts at Boones, and the Hockey Academy has a few games scheduled for the players who return to Pearl Lake.
I’m on my way to the arena, but I make a stop at Boones on the way. I hop out of the Jeep, and as I walk toward the building, I spot Winter behind the counter, wearing the red Boones ball cap, looking as beautiful as ever. I wave and a smile lights up her face, but it drops as I hear my name behind me.
I turn to see Adele rushing across the street.
I knew this would happen eventually. Winter and I talked about it, especially when I started having nightmares about the accident last week. She didn’t push it, but questioned whether it would be a good idea to get some closure with Adele. Quinn said the same thing weeks ago. And whether or not I’m ready, it looks like that’s about to happen.
“Hey. Hi. Hey.” She stops a few feet away and then takes a couple of steps back. “How are you?”
“Alive.”
She nods, and her eyes go glassy. “Can we… Can I talk to you? Please.”
The door jingles as it opens behind me. “You okay, BJ?” Winter asks.
I turn to her, and whatever the look on my face is, it prompts her to step out into the cold winter morning without a jacket. “Give him a second, please, Adele.”
As Adele steps back to give us space, Winter settles a hand on my chest, over my heart. “Have the conversation so you don’t have to carry the weight of this with you anymore.”
“You always know the right thing to say.” I cover her hand. “I fucking love you.”
She smiles and laughs. “I love you too. I’m here when you’re done. Okay?”
I kiss her, long and hard. It’s probably borderline inappropriate, but I’m emotional and edgy.
When I release her, she turns back toward Boones.
“Winter,” Adele calls.
She pauses.
“Thank you for saving BJ. I don’t know what I would have done if—” She chokes up.
“Neither do I, and I’m glad neither of us had to find out.” She disappears back inside, leaving me and Adele alone on the sidewalk.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I’ve had time to work through what happened, to sit with it, to unpack it. “I believe that’s true—that you didn’t mean for me to get hurt. But it doesn’t explain why it happened in the first place. If Winter hadn’t shown up, I wouldn’t be here to have this conversation.” It’s a hard reality, but still the truth.
Her eyes dart away. “I know. And I’m so sorry. If I could take it back, I would.”
