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I sit up at the same time he rises to his knees. This puts me at eye-level with his cock. I take him in my hand, but instead of tearing the condom open, I lick my lips. My eyes find his as I lean in and brush my lips over the steel ball that rests just below the crown.
“Winter—Snowflake…” BJ’s voice is gruff.
I part my lips and cover the head. The steel ball at one end slides over my tongue, and the other moves across the roof of my mouth.
BJ’s brow furrows and his mouth drops open. “Fuckin’ hell,” he breathes.
I take a little more of him, then pull back and run my tongue around the head. I’m about to take him in my mouth again, but he cups my face between his palms.
“I cannot express how fucking much I love it when your beautiful lips are wrapped around my cock, but I’m gonna have to ask you to stop, because if you keep going, I’m not going to last very long, if at all, and I can’t have that happen.”
“Rain check?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.” He kisses me.
I tear the foil packet open, and BJ helps guide me through getting the condom on over the piercing. And then we’re kissing and I’m pulling him on top of me. He lines himself up and pulls back enough to see my face as the head slides over my clit.
“You’re sure about this?” he asks.
I nod. “I’m sure about you.”
His smile is soft. “Good.” He kisses me. “I feel the same.”
And then he pushes in, filling me an inch at a time. His eyes stay on mine until he rests in the cradle of my hips, and then they close briefly on a soft exhale. “God, you feel so fucking good. So goddamn good.” His eyes flutter open, and he strokes my cheek. “I knew it. I knew it was going to be like this.”
He starts to move, pulling out, leaving me empty for one painful, suspended moment before he fills me again. Then I feel that insidious little steel ball hitting the spot that makes the ache inside me expand and swell.
This isn’t like any sex I’ve had before. It’s a different kind of connection. I can’t escape his eyes, and I don’t want to. It’s as though I can feel everything he feels with every slow, purposeful stroke, and I absorb it in every caress and whispered word against my lips.
I fall. In lust, in more-than-like, into him.
“Right here, Winter, stay right here with me.” He rolls his hips and hooks his hand under my knee, changing the angle, opening me wider, filling me deeper. And with every stroke, he takes me higher, gets me closer to heaven.
“I got you,” he whispers. “Let go like you want to.”
Fire rushes through my veins, lighting me up from the inside. A wave of pleasure radiates out from the center of my body, a ripple of bliss blanketing me. The world is a wash of black and then a burst of stars. And when my vision clears, I watch BJ come apart.
He doesn’t roll off me or bury his face in my neck. He trails kisses along the edge of my jaw and comes back to my mouth. We kiss for long minutes before he finally pushes up on his arms.
“Give me a sec. I’ll be right back.”
He eases out, and I feel that emptiness echo in my chest. I don’t understand it. He’s just going to the bathroom, not sending me back to my room. But panic is already setting in. I said I was ready, and now I’m terrified this will change everything all over again. I’m halfway in love with him, and I’m moving to Chicago. Going to college. With him.
He pauses, searching my face. “You okay?”
“Yeah, fine.” My voice cracks, and mortification makes me want to hide under a pillow.
He slides the condom off, ties a knot in the end, and tosses it in the garbage by his desk. Then he grabs tissues from the box on his nightstand and wraps them around his softening erection. “Fine is my least-favorite word in the world. Talk to me.” He stretches out beside me.
“You’re just going to leave it like that?” I motion to his tissue-covered cock.
“Yeah. Until we get to the bottom of fine, my cock is going to wear a tissue blanket.” He skims my cheek with his fingertips. “Are you freaking out?”
I stare at the ceiling. “This won’t change anything, right? We’re still gonna be cool?”
“Why would we not be cool?” BJ pulls the sheet over us and taps my temple. “Where are you going up here? Worst-case-scenario-ville?”
“I don’t know. I don’t usually do sex and feelings, and I have feelings. About you.”
