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Rose shrugs. “Label or not, you two are a thing. You’re an anomaly where he’s concerned.”
At my confused expression, she continues. “BJ has always been this super-chill guy. And he never gets involved with anyone during the summer. All he does is skate and hang out with the crew. That’s it. It’s some unwritten rule he has. But from the moment he met you, he’s been all about you.” She gives me a small smile. “I know this summer has been a real roller-coaster ride for you, Winter, but BJ isn’t stringing you along, and I guarantee he and Lovey both feel like shit about this morning. You have every right to be pissed off, and take whatever time you need to process it, but when you’re ready, talk it out with BJ. And ask about Caroline when you do.”
“You’re being awfully cryptic.”
“All I know is that he went through a rough time when he had to switch pairs partners before college. I can’t pretend to know what it’s like for you to have your world turned upside down like this. But I think you’re turning BJ’s world upside down too. And that’s not a bad thing.”
I spotted BJ by the boards during practice, so I’m unsurprised to find him by the bike racks when I leave the arena that afternoon.
“Hey.” He shoves his phone into his pocket and pushes to a stand. His stubble is already turning back into a beard—a short one, but it’s dark, and it grows quickly. His hair looks like his hands have been in it a lot today. He runs his palms over his thighs. “How are you?”
“Okay. You?”
He lifts a shoulder and lets it fall. “Not gonna lie, today was fucking shitty.”
I huff a laugh. “It was definitely that.”
“Can we talk?” BJ is usually confident, so his uncertainty is surprising.
“Yeah. We can talk.” I’m used to being unsettled, but it’s better to just have the discussion and move forward.
“Should we go for a drive or a walk on the pier or something?”
We spend a lot of time making out in BJ’s Jeep, so a drive is probably not the best plan. “The pier is good.”
“Okay.” He nods. “Want to put your bag in the Jeep?”
“It’s okay. I can carry it.”
He bites the inside of his cheek but doesn’t try to persuade me otherwise. I fall into step beside him as we cross the open field that leads to the beach.
“I’m sorry about this morning, Winter. I feel shitty about what happened, and so does Lovey. I know it’s not okay, and you have every right to be upset, but if there’s a way I can fix this, tell me and I’ll do it. Whatever it takes.” He stops and turns to face me, running a hand through his hair. “I just… I really like you, and the thought of losing this, you… I’ve felt sick all day. And anxious. My stomach has been in knots, and my mouth has been dry, and I can’t eat, and you’re all I can think about. I don’t want to fuck this up, Winter. So if there’s something I can do to make this better, I will. Just tell me what to do.”
He’s practically vibrating with anxiety.
“I don’t have a whole lot of relationship experience to draw on here, so I don’t know what I should be asking for, but do you see how messed up that whole situation was from my perspective?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah. It shouldn’t have happened.”
“But it did, and you can’t take it back, so now we need to figure out how to move forward.”
“It won’t happen again. I promise.”
“Don’t promise things like that, BJ. You can fall asleep anywhere.” I tug on his arm and lead him to a bench under a tree. I pull one leg up so my knee rests against the back of the bench. “I think it was the combination of things—going to college in the fall, possibly living down the street from you in a house with your friends, us having sex, and then you offering me orgasms and seeing Lovey in your bed. It was a lot. It’s still a lot.” I sigh. “I don’t want to come between you and Lovey.”
“You’re not. She’s my best friend. That’s all.”
“Rose and I talked today. She echoed the whole thing about you and Lovey being just friends, and I don’t see why you’d lie since I’m most likely moving in with Lovey in a few weeks. But she mentioned Caroline.”
BJ flinches, like her name causes him pain. “She doesn’t have anything to do with me and Lovey, or you and me.”
“I’d never heard her name before Rose mentioned it. You told me you skated together all through high school, right? That’s a pretty significant span of time.”
His knee bounces a few times. “Do we really need to talk about this?”
“Based on your reaction, yeah, we do. Why don’t you want to? Because it’s uncomfortable? Or it hurts?”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Both.”
