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I open the drain to the sink, letting the warm, sudsy water out before I turn to leave the kitchen and the suddenly all too quiet Lake to go find Colin.
“I can show him where it is,” I say to Dale, who was getting up from his seat.
“Down the hall to the right, darling,” Lydia says with a sweet smile in place.
I thank her, taking Colin towards the bathroom. I glance up at Lake as I pass him and am met with an emotionless man staring off into the distance. Brushing it off, I find the bathroom, waiting outside the door until Colin finishes.
Lake's just battling his own emotions right now. I can't let that affect how I'm feeling. He's simply dealing with a lot. It's not personal. I keep reminding myself of these things as I hear Colin murmuring to himself in the bathroom.
“Col, you alright?” I say against the door.
“It's my...it's my pants. I got some on my pants.”
Shit.
I plant my hands on the door, whispering through the wood, “Open the door, I can help you.”
He's pacing the space in his boxers when I enter, his pants hanging over the edge of the bathtub.
“I got some on my pants. I-I got some...I got some on my pants,” he repeats, thumping his fists against his forehead. “I got some—”
“It's alright, Col,” I breathe. “I'll wash them up quick. It'll be fine.”
“I got some on my pants!” he yells this time, and I peer at the door behind me, knowing they heard that from the living room.
He's embarrassed, he's frustrated at himself, and now he's worried that he's ruining this day like he mentioned before. Upsetting me is something he consistently tries not to do. But what he can't help are the emotions that become too much for him.
I take his pants from the bathtub and begin washing out the urine that dribbled on them in the sink, trying my best to remain calm even though my heart is in full marathon mode.
“I-I messed up, Pickle,” he paces behind me. “My belt got stuck. I was holding it for so long because I didn't know where to go. I messed up. Colin messed up. Messed up! Messed up!”
It breaks me hearing that. I should've known. This happens with new people in new situations. He'll neglect himself to spare the embarrassment of asking anyone for help. He's probably had to go since he got here but has been holding it, being uncomfortable in this new environment.
“No, Col, it's fine. Really. I'll get this washed out and ask Lydia if I can dry them—”
“No!” he yells. “No! No! No! No, you can't. You can't ask them. No!”
A knock on the door makes us both jump.
“D? You guys good?” Lake asks from behind the door, zero judgment in his tone.
Colin sits on the floor in his polka-dotted boxers and canary-striped shirt, resting his elbows on his knees and hitting his head with his fists, his face pained.
I pull open the door a bit and see Lake's worried face.
“W-we just need a minute,” I say as calmly as possible.
I'm not calm though. I am freaking out internally now. Colin is on the verge of a meltdown, and I need to find some way to get through this without making a huge, embarrassing scene for him.
Successfully washing out the pants, I realize there's no way I can get these dry without some assistance. I scan the shelves for a hair dryer but see nothing. With a tremendous sigh, I bend down to Colin, informing him I need to ask Lake for some help.
He twists and untwists his fingers, his back rocking into the wall behind him, but finally nods his head, and I can tell it crushes him.
I inform Lake of what happened, and he rushes to his old room for some sweats for Colin. Everyone is being so nice while we figure out the situation, but I'm also internally dying of embarrassment. I don't want to be upset with Colin, and I'm not, but I'm just feeling overwhelmed at the moment, and unfortunately, the need to take him back home is upon me. He's reached his limit for the day, and it's just easier to get him back to his safe space, where he feels most comfortable.
The hardest part of life with Colin isn't dealing with him myself. I have no issues doing whatever I have to for my brother. I don't even think twice about it. It's trying to get other people to understand how his life works that's the challenge.
After getting Colin fitted in some new pants, I bag up his old ones and shove them into my purse. Lydia tries to convince Colin to stay longer by bribing him with some dessert, but Colin respectfully declines, insisting he'd rather go back to the horse barn before we leave.
