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My lashes flutter as fresh tears form.
Nothing could keep me from this man. Trust me, I tried to tell myself that a code of ethics and professionalism mattered, but when it came down to us, nothing could hold us back. Not careers, not illnesses, not disabilities, not even death.
“I’m not a coward anymore, Dylan,” Lake continues. “Colin helped me conquer that. I came here today, leaving all the broken pieces of my heart on the table, ready and willing for you to crumble them into dust if you needed to.” He licks his lips, taking a breath before peering back into my eyes. “See, I’m not afraid of the potential heartbreak. That doesn’t scare me anymore. What I’m afraid of now is not trying before my time runs out.”
“Lake,” I whisper through my cracked tone.
“I haven’t been the same without you.” He runs his thumbs along my jaw, gazing down at my lips and back. “I think about you and about Colin...endlessly. I told myself even if she doesn’t want you back for breaking her heart, I’d at least try to be friends. To be anything, just to keep you guys in my life. I just…need you.”
My heart aches at his admission, and my tears continue to flow down my cold cheeks.
“We could never be friends,” I say, shaking my head, and his forehead wrinkles. “You would never make book club.”
He tips his head back in a laugh before staring at me again. His smile fades into an appreciative grin as he leans forward, resting his forehead against mine, our pained smiles mirroring each other’s.
But as I think about the past few weeks, I’m reminded of my heartache and the complete feeling of emptiness at the loss of him. It hurt. There’s just no denying it. I wanted to mourn with him, work through that together. My smile fades and he feels it.
“Tell me I can love you the way I need to in order to breathe,” he whispers his demands like he does. “Tell me you’ll let me back in.”
My stomach churns in anxiousness. Of course I love him, and I’ve dreamed of this moment. But will he walk away when things get hard again? Will he lose himself to his own self-pity when he feels he doesn’t deserve what he has before him?
I can’t hold on to this fear of the what-ifs any longer. As if sensing my running thoughts, his grip tightens on my face and his eyes gloss over beneath those dark, full lashes.
“I love you, Dylan,” he says with a heavy sigh, his pained eyes trained on mine. “Tell me I’m lucky enough for you to love me back.”
I feel explosive and numb. Like I’m breathing too much and not enough. She was right about him. We always come back to who we love in the end. Life just isn’t long enough to hold on to these needs when you’ve seen death before you. People become woke to the understanding that life is simply a series of events that occur until we meet our end. Days that bleed together, struggles that endlessly plague us, nights that ache with the pain of the uncontrolled.
But then there are moments of pure connection to another soul that scream from the depths of us to be explored. Moments that beg for our attention, like that never-ending itch that requires to be scratched. Demands to be touched.
Love fucking hurts. And occasionally, we all lack the courage to embrace the torture that it is. It’s not easy, and doesn’t always align the way you wish. It’s a give and pull, a race that feels unfinished, a dizzying circle of highs and lows. Some days you’re in first place, and some days the flat sends you to the pit crew, disappointment racking through you. But if we don’t have the courage to hop into the car and take the first lap, then what’s the point? Sidelines are for the weak, and if there’s one thing to know about me, it’s that we don’t do weak here.
“I’ll love you every lap, Lake. When we’re in the lead at the peak of our race, and when we crash into the fence, burning into nothing but shattered pieces and flames. I’ll love you through it all because you’ve always been part of my team. Our team.”
His eyes pinch in the corners, and he drops one of his hands, fisting the edge of my sweatshirt. Nostrils flare as his throat bobs, holding back his emotions.
“Tell me I can kiss you,” he whispers, inches from my lips. “Please, Dylan, for the love of God, tell me I can—”
I stop his words, pulling him into my lips by the shirt on his chest.
Our lips meet, and everything melts away. Fears, sorrows, and worries wash away from us in our waves as his tongue brushes along mine ever so softly.
It’s taken a lot of courage to get here. A lot of time to think about what it means to be in love and need someone when we constantly think we are strong enough to do it alone.
We continue kissing on our little island, miles away from the reality of people everywhere around us, and a feeling of utter bliss surrounds me. That is, until a familiar voice rings through.
“You done fixing it yet?” Colin calls out behind us.
Lake pulls away from my lips, looking almost as dazed and drunk from our kiss as Kat is from her margarita. His mouth pulls into the sexiest half-grin before widening into a full smile, showcasing that little chip in his tooth I’ve missed so much.
He licks his lips, almost savoring our kiss as he peers at my lips again.
“I don’t know,” he calls out to Colin, keeping his eyes locked on mine. “Might need more fixing.”
Pressing his lips back to mine, he kisses me again and I fold into his heat, my arms wrapping around his neck as he holds my lower back, pulling me tight to him.
“I...I don’t understand. Colin doesn’t understand. It looks fixed. I think we can race now. Race now. It’s fixed. I fixed it.”
Lake’s lips leave mine, needing a breath from the overwhelming sensation of being back in this place again. As do I. My butterfly hos are wasted out of this world.
