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It dawns on me that this is the life I always wanted. I’ve always wanted this closeness with Cady and Alice. It’s broken my heart for eighteen years that I couldn’t have it. I’m not sure I could cope if it was snatched away from me again. Just as quickly as the thought came, I swallow the tightness that takes hold of my throat. My chest constricts as my heart rate speeds up. I try to breathe calmly, without drawing Izzy’s attention. But I’m panicking. I’m panicking like mad.
I love her. I’m in love with Izzy. I’m terrified.
As the credits roll, Cady stands and stretches her arms above her head with a loud yawn. ‘Well, I’m pooped. Do me a favor and don’t be loud when you’re doing sexy time? I don’t need to hear that.’
I feel Izzy’s intake of breath as she sits bolt upright. ‘We wouldn’t, don’t, I…’
‘Cady, enough,’ I say, raising my brows in a way that tells her she’s crossing the line. ‘See you in the morning.’
‘Such a pooper! ’Night, Dad. ’Night, Izzy.’
When she’s out of earshot, Izzy buries her face in my chest. ‘Oh my God.’
Now, I laugh as I kiss her hair and stroke her back. ‘I thought you handled that well.’
She sits back and slaps a hand across my chest. ‘Shut up. I didn’t know what to say.’
‘I. A-ah. Erm.’
She picks up a sofa cushion and throws it at me. I grab her wrists and pull her on top of me. ‘Seriously, Iz, thank you for today. I know it must have been… odd.’
She swallows so hard I see it in her throat and wonder what she isn’t saying.
‘She’s a great girl, Brooks. She clearly loves you.’
I wait for more, for the ‘but’ that her expression seems to hold. It doesn’t come.
‘Shall we go to bed?’ I ask.
‘Yes, but I can’t, you know…’
Chuckling, I kiss the tip of her nose. ‘How would you feel about lying in my arms all night?’
She nods. ‘I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more.’
That night, Izzy’s breaths are slow and deep as she sleeps across my chest. I lie perfectly still, scared I’ll disturb her and that she might roll over, away from me. I need to hold her. As I lie here in the darkness of my bedroom, she’s the only thing stopping me from losing my mind.
She’s going back to London. Back to a life full of designer labels, where her wealthy parents pay for her apartment. A life like Alice’s.
29
BROOKS
Day 13
Izzy comes with me to drop Cady home, both of them grumbling at how early it is but both knowing I have to get to the gym.
I stop the truck in my usual spot at the edge of the cul-de-sac. I can feel Izzy’s eyes on me. It must seem strange to her that I don’t drive Cady to the house. I get it. But how can I tell her this is what eighteen years of wishing looks like? How do I tell her it’s just too much for me to see Alice’s life without me in it?
‘Well, back to Alice’s house arrest,’ Cady says, getting her things together in the backseat.
‘Alice?’ Izzy says, staring at me.
‘That’s Mom’s name,’ Cady says, not registering the shift in mood in the front of the truck. ‘It was really nice to meet you, Izzy. Hopefully it won’t be too long before you come back from the UK.’
Wow, way to add to the awkward-as-hell moment, Cady.
‘Bye, Dad.’ She leans through the seats and plants a kiss on my cheek.
