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I still couldn’t believe that I had ran. I was fully prepared to say I do, until I saw Liam. It was like a bucket of cold water was poured over my head. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand there and lie. I couldn’t commit myself to Adam when I didn’t love him. When the man that was my son’s biological father sat there watching his own son in a wedding. A son he didn't know he had.
What the fuck was I going to do now? We didn’t even have anywhere to go. We lived with Adam. Where were we going to go? It had been years since I had made impulsive decisions. I made a point of thinking things through because of Jeremy. He couldn’t just sleep in a car or find something to eat when we arrived in a different town. It was one thing to run and change my mind when it was just me, but now Jeremy was being dragged into this, and I never wanted this life for him. I never wanted him to wonder where he would be sleeping at night. He liked his routine. He liked having certain items around him. Now he was sitting in a car that was overheated.
The sight of a car driving by me sent both hope and fear shooting up my spine. I wanted someone to drive by and hopefully help me. At the same time, anyone could be in that car, and it might not be someone I wanted to deal with. Just as I thought they weren’t going to stop, they finally did. They were a good thirty feet from me though so I couldn’t make out their face. The second the driver’s side door opened, my heart sank.
Are you kidding me?
Liam. Of all the people that could have found me, it was one of the four people I didn’t want to pull over. I moved over so I was closer to the front of my car, blocking Liam’s view of Jeremy. I wasn’t certain he wouldn’t be able to make the connection based on how Jeremy looked. He mostly looked like me, except for his eyes. But we had worn a condom every time we had sex that night. Logic would dictate that he wasn’t the father. Logic was wrong this time around.
“Liam,” I said once he was close enough. I still didn’t understand why he was even at my wedding. I sure as shit didn't invite him.
“Jasmine. Small world.”
“Even smaller when you show up to someone’s wedding. How did you know I was getting married?”
Obviously, someone had to have told him. What I couldn’t figure out was who and why.
“I was invited by your father.”
“Well, I guess that’s better than you being a stalker,” I lightly joked. I guess they knew each other through business.
He gave an awkward huff of a laugh before he spoke, “You might actually be wishing I was a stalker. Your father and I have been best friends since we were around six years old.”
“Oh my god.”
No, no, no. This could not be happening right now. I knew my father had a very close friend named Liam. I didn’t even think that Liam could be short for anything. And really, what the hell were the odds?
I hadn’t seen a photo of him before because my parents weren’t one for memories. They preferred to showcase their professional achievements rather than loving moments with their family. My parents actually framed a report card that I got in the eighth grade and not my graduation photo. I had never seen any photo albums from either parent growing up. I barely knew my grandparents, but based on how both of my parents were, it was safe to say they took after their parents.
“Of course you are,” I said as I turned to try and get control over my emotions.
I could feel my heart rate increasing, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I was going to have a full-blown panic attack. I didn’t actually get them, but my heart would race, and I would feel like my whole world was crashing down. Maybe a mental breakdown would be a more accurate name.
It was just my luck that the guy I had an amazing night with, that would eventually be my son’s father was my father’s best friend from childhood. Because that was how lucky I truly was. This was an absolute nightmare. I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t go back to a life where I had to pretend to love someone. I couldn’t put myself through that or put my son through it.
I couldn’t go back to my parents’ place. Even if they were offering, which they wouldn’t, I wasn’t going to be putting up with their lectures and judgmental comments or looks. I also didn’t want Jeremy in that environment. They were very strict and everything had to be a certain way. I didn't want him growing up having to worry about where the dishes go or if he left his shoes by the front door in his hurry to go and play or get something to eat.
I didn’t even really have any close friends. Adam and I had friends together, but not separated. I couldn’t go to them. They would only pick his side and rightfully so. I did leave him at the altar. A quick look at the back of my car showed me Jeremy. He was sitting there with his thumb in his mouth, a habit I had been trying to get him to break so he wouldn’t ruin his teeth.
He looked scared, but also tired. It had been a really long day, and I knew he had been trying so hard to be ready for today. He wanted to make Adam proud. Deep down, I think he wanted to make Adam notice him. To smile at him and tell him he was proud. That he had done a good job. He was only three, but I knew that mattered to him.
“What the hell did I do?”
“Look, you made a decision. Maybe it was based on cold feet or maybe you just didn’t love the guy. What you have to do right now is decide how you are going to move forward. Either you need to go and apologize your ass off to that man or you need to move forward.”
I turned to see that Liam was trying his best to keep himself together, but I could pick up hints of tension in his face and in his shoulders. He wasn’t angry at me; he was feeling uncomfortable. Apparently, emotional women were not his strong suit. Couldn’t really blame him for that. Most men didn’t know what to do.
“I don’t love him,” I admitted. “I should, but I haven’t loved him for over a year now. I can’t go back home to him. I can’t go anywhere.”
I could feel my eyes tearing up. I was starting to panic again, but Liam was right. I needed to get a grip on myself. I had made this decision, and it was on me to live with it. I couldn’t go back, so I had to go forward. I just had no idea what forward looked like.
“Don’t cry. Fuck, please don’t cry,” he had a slight panicked tone to his voice before he recovered. “Alright, look. I need a nanny for the next eight months until my son Christian goes to kindergarten. You and your son can live in the nanny suite, and that will give you some time to figure out what you wish to do next.”
Oh, yeah no; that’s a terrible idea. Him and I should definitely not be living together. He really shouldn’t be around Jeremy all the time. Not to mention he said he had a son that would start kindergarten in eight months when the new school year began. Just like Jeremy was going to start. Which meant he had another woman pregnant either when we slept together or just after me.
All of this was a terrible idea, but what other choice did I have? I couldn’t stay here. I had no idea where Liam lived, but even if he lived in Miami, it was still a big enough city that I wouldn’t have to worry about running into Adam or my parents.
“Where do you live?” I managed to ask.
