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Whatever inkling of energy I thought I had suddenly leaves me. I’m too tired to argue, and instead allow Dad to help me to my feet and usher me out to our waiting car.
Chapter 28
Sandra
“It’s most likely stress and exhaustion,” Aunt Nat says as she stands up from the edge of my bed. “You should be fine with an aspirin and some much-needed rest.”
I shake my head, struggling to sit up. “I can’t. There’s too much work to do.”
Mom rests her hands on my shoulders and practically pins me to my pillows. She’s frighteningly strong when she wants to be. “Oh no you don’t. You’re going to listen to Nat, or so help me God I’ll tie you down and knock you out with a hammer.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Charlotte sighs. She’s seated on the stool in front of my vanity table.
“You weren’t this rough with me whenItried getting out of bed,” Freddy points out. One arm is in a sling while his other is thrown over a crutch to support his injured leg.
“Because you were shot,” Mom points out.
I throw my head back and groan as my family squabbles. What I wouldn’t give right now for a little peace and quiet. I love them all to death, but good grief we’re a loud bunch.
“Your father will take care of things until you’re feeling better,” Mom says. “Isn’t that right, Misha?”
Dad’s by the doorway, leaning against the frame with his hands in his pockets. “You bet. Rest and recover, Sandy. Your family has your back.”
I try to smile, but I don’t think it reaches my eyes. They all do so much for me. Keeping secrets from them is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
“Everyone out,” Mom says, ushering people out the door. “Let her sleep. Call us if you need anything. Okay, honey?”
I nod wearily. “Yeah, okay.”
They file out one by one. Aunt Nat is first, tittering about how she needs to check Frederick’s stitches before she goes. Mom shoots me a worried look over her shoulder before Dad places his hand on her back, guiding her out with a soft murmur ofShe’ll be fine. Charlotte lingers, her eyes studying me with deep concern.
“Dad said you had a panic attack,” my twin mumbles.
“He told you?”
“No. I was eavesdropping.”
“It’s rude to eavesdrop, you know.”
My sister shrugs, unapologetic. “It sounded important.” She vacates her spot at the vanity in favor of my bedside. The mattress sinks slightly under her weight. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Nothing’s—”
“Don’t bullshit me,” Charlotte says with force. “I’m your sister. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve been acting strange lately. And if you lie, I’ll be able to tell. It’s like—”
“If you say it’s atwin thing…”
“—a twin thing,” she finishes. Charlotte takes my hand and gives my fingers a light squeeze. “Sandy… Ever since we were little girls,youwere the braver one. Stronger. Smarter. Way more resilient and tough. That’s why I know something isn’t right. I overheard Dad talking about the minor setbacks in the south. It sucks for sure, but I don’t think that would send you into a spiral.” My sister’s eyes gloss over with the threat of tears. “Ever since you took over the family business, I feel like there’s this wall between us. You used to tell me everything…”
“Charlotte, I…” I squeeze her fingers back. “It’s hard to explain.”
“I know I’m pretty much useless when it comes to the Bratva, but at the very least I can helpyou. Please don’t push me away. I love you very much, and all I want is to make sure you’re okay.”
I start tearing up, too, our feelings attuned with one another. Deep down, I know coming clean will make me feel worlds better, but that doesn’t stop the doubt from trickling in.
If I tell Charlotte about Andrei and me, what will she think? Will she tell our father? Will they all be angry with me? But in the same beat, I know keeping this secret to myself will ruin me one day. I was lucky I had my breakdown in private. What happens if I’m not so lucky next time and I lose it in front of the other family heads? It’ll only solidify their negative notions toward me. They’ll see me as weak—emotional.
I try to force the word out of my head. There’s nothing wrong with allowing myself to feel. I’m human, after all. Why would I allow them to weaponize my feelings against me?
