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“I know.” Dillon responded. “You were more talkative when you gave methe talkthan you are right now.”
“That’s because I was nervous.”
Dillon chuckled. “I know that too. So, what’s a harder conversation to have with your kid?”
I thought about that question and realized most parents didn’t have this kind of talk with their children. Audrey just had to make this a one-of-a-kind type deal because—of—fucking—coure.
“Dad?”
“Mm?”
“You’re only this quiet when you have to tell me something really bad.” Dillon pointed out. “And usually, it’s something that will hurt me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember when you came to tell me that mom wanted a divorce?” He asked. “Even after I saw what she’d done with my own eyes—you still found it hard.”
“Because I never want to hurt you.” I explained. “I never want to be the cause of your pain and it seems I keep doing that.”
“How?”
“I chose the wrong mother for you.” I admitted out loud for the first time. “I should have done better at that and I’m sorry.”
“Do you regret having me?”
That question hit me in the chest like a baseball bat.
“Of course not!”
“Then if you’d had me with someone else, I wouldn’t be me.” Dillon pointed out. “Right?”
I had to chuckle.
“And look how absolutely amazing I am!”
I laughed out loud. “The ego—you didn’t get that from me.”
Dillon shrugged. “That’s what you think.”
I crinkled my nose at him.
“You tell me all the time to be myself.” Dillon rationalized. “That you love me the most when I’m being my own man, my own person. You tell me it makes you happy to see me figuring things out and growing into my own, unique soul. And I refuse to believe that’s all a lie.”
“It’s all true.” I sighed. “I supposed I misspoke just ow. I’m sorry. But I can’t lie and say that I didn’t wish for a better mother for you.”
“We all have mothers, dad. But one day you’ll find me amom.Does that make sense?”
Turning my head, I stared into his eyes and the meaning of that came through loud and clear.
“You get a second chance.” Dillon assured me. “Besides, I learned by readingRomeo and Julietthat love is a whole bunch of trials and errors. Sometimes you eventually get it right—other times you fail spectacularly and everyone who reads your story thinks you’re an idiot for not checking the pulse first.”
I scoffed.
“Morbid.” I muttered.
“But you know what I mean.”
I nodded.
