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Truth was, it had happened already. And it was nothing like the love she’d thought she had with Kendall, her ex. That seemed shallow by comparison. No, this was a painful, beautiful experience that lit up her insides and made everything come alive inside her. It would be a glorious thing if only Morgan had fallen in love with her in return.
But he clearly had not.
Blake stopped hanging out downstairs at night. As soon as Ciara was tucked into bed, she closed herself off in her little nanny apartment and tried to regroup and focus on her own life without a man. After all, she was already quite adept at that, having taught herself how to be single over the last three years.
She went back to sending out applications for university teaching positions. Back to her bookish world of the classics, of ancient poetry and inscriptions and historical figures and artifacts that had been the center of her life for so long.
About ten days had passed and she was at her desk around midnight, looking out at the stars over the Long Island Sound, when she heard a soft knock on her apartment door. Thinking it might be Ciara after having a nightmare, she raced to open it.
She froze when she saw Morgan standing there in gym shorts and a navy tee. A lock of hair had fallen across his forehead making him look even sexier than usual.
“Is it Ciara?” Blake said. “Is she all right?”
“She’s fine,” he said. “I just checked on her. Sleeping soundly. Misty and Gracie at her feet.”
“So…”
“I miss you.” His voice was deep and low, his eyes boring into her.
Blake told herself that every man missed having a woman in his bed whenever he got horny. That did not mean it was any more than that to him.
“I’ve had things I wanted to do,” she said, trying to keep her voice neutral.
He tilted his head, looking unsure of himself, which was unusual for him. “Mind if I come in and talk for a minute?”
She opened the door and gestured for him to come in, saying, “Why don’t we sit by the windows. The stars are bright and clear tonight.” She meant it, but she also wanted to lead him away from her bedroom.
He perched on her love seat and she sat across from him on the upholstered chair, a coffee table between them. Another safety measure.
“Blake, I am sorry if I’ve been distracted and unclear. My business…”
She held up a hand. “It’s okay. You have a lot on your plate,” she said, avoiding eye contact so he would not see how hurt she was.
“Please don’t shut me out,” he said.
Blake held her voice steady and asked, “Would you please explain what you mean by that?”
His eyebrows came to a V. “You are so closed off lately. Even now. Your conversation is so formal.”
She heaved a sigh. “I can’t allow myself to develop feelings for you.”
“I thought you already had.”
“All the more reason I need to protect myself. You know all about protection. Proactive is better than reactive. Isn’t that what you would say?”
“But why? I want you. I want us,” he said, that intense gaze of his almost piercing her resolve
Her heart wanted to leap up when she heard him say that, but she put on her wise woman brakes and asked, “In what way? I’ve been hurt before and I do not want to walk myself into a big painful mess. I take responsibility for my own part in our—”
“I told you I wasn’t pretending. Why would you think I was?”
She lifted a hand. “I didn’t say you were pretending. We were both all in for the great sex and closeness we shared that weekend. I guess it’s that we have fallen into just being friends. And that is okay if you would rather keep it that way.”
He sat forward. “I think a couple should be good friends if they want a lasting relationship.”
“Is that what we are? A couple working on a lasting relationship?” she asked, her voice flat. Better to get it on the table up front.
Morgan paused and looked out at the night, then turned back to her. “You and I have both learned that jumping into these things can lead to a disaster. Whether a relationship between us will work out for the long term is something neither of us can know at this point. But I think we’ve got too much going for us not to give it a try.”
