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“Save her,” I mumble, feeling lightheaded. “Save our baby.”
32
DANIELLE
It’s funny what you remember when your life flashes before your eyes.
I thought that only happened in the movies, but it’s real. And when the truck slams right into my side of the car, I am inundated by a strange set of memories.
My first dance competition. I was six years old, and my father washed my outfit the night before. It shrunk, and now I was wearing my practice outfit from my class. My dance teacher told me they wouldn’t judge me on my clothes when they saw how good I was. But I was nervous.
The time my father sat me down to tell me why I didn’t have a mom. I don’t remember how old I was, but he said he would always love me and take care of me.
Once in the fifth grade when I won the weekly spelling bee by spellingconstituentcorrectly. Everyone in the class was bored, but the boy beside me looked proud. His name was Tony, and looking back, I think he liked me.
Finding a grass spider in my room once. I screamed and stood on my bed, yelling for my dad. He chased the spider around the room for a full two minutes before he finally cornered it and killed it. I think I was twelve.
When James told me that I was mature enough for him physically, I could feel the pain of his words even as sirens screamed through my consciousness.
My junior high graduation. The last day of school dance. Shaking my butt to Apple Bottom Jeans and screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Throwing out the dark green robe after graduation was over. But keeping the tassel because it was a reminder of what I’d accomplished so far.
My first day of high school.
My first high school dance.
The first time I had to read from Shakespeare in front of the class.
Getting on the dance team.
Getting my first 4.0 in my freshman year.
Taking AP classes in European history and US government.
Vacations with my dad.
Birthday presents from my grandparents.
The first time I saw Holy.
The first time we spoke.
The first time we kissed.
The first time we made love.
Holy takes over my memories until the darkness comes. Our first baby appointment. Our first ultrasound. The first kick we felt together. He is my last thought before I slip into nothingness.
I wake up an unknown amount of time later. There are hands all over me, picking me up and moving me to a stretcher. My head feels heavy. Everything feels heavy. It weighs my eyelids down, and I drift out of consciousness.
My next patch of awareness comes with the sterile scent of the hospital. I am plunged into reality with the sharp insertion of a needle. “Danielle?” Someone calls my name. I look in the direction of the voice and see a woman standing above me with a mask on and a ferry boat scrub cap.
“Derek,” I mumble, thinking about Grey’s Anatomy. I’ve woken into my favorite television show.
She smiles. “I’m Dr. Steele. You’re okay, Danielle. Your baby is okay.”
Maybe the needle that poked me was full of drugs. I pass out before she says anything else. I dream of my baby, or maybe it’s just any baby. I’m sitting in the nursery Holy and I created, rocking back and forth in a chair passed down in his family for five generations. I’m holding a small bundle of blue, and his eyes twinkle as he stares at me.
My sweetest love,I say to the child. We sit there rocking for a while. In truth, I could do this forever. I am serene here in my dreams. I am at peace.
