Page 14 of Shattered Desires


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Most of the crew is already on the rooftop. Bordeaux has Isla on his arm, and the birthday woman is looking absolutely stunning in a fitted white dress. They sit at the end of a long rectangular table and clink glasses as a server dressed in a black suit stops us and we order drinks—I get a bourbon and Kade orders something, but I don’t pay attention. I’m not his keeper.

I head over to the table where Miller’s sitting with his nose in his phone next to Bordeaux. If I still know him like I used to, he’s probably trying to find his hookup for the night. He always used to rival Bordeaux for biggest playboy of the group.

I slide my phone out of the back pocket of my black dress slacks and send a quick text to Dec. Part of me is relieved she isn’t here yet, that I still have time before Kade and Declan are in the same room together. The other part feels the weight of her absence anytime she isn’t in a room. It was so much easier to push her out of my mind when I was traveling. I still thought about her, but not like this. She’s the reason I’m even living this life, doing what I love—there’s no doubt in my mind that if she wouldn’t have agreed to the band reaching out to me, I wouldn’t be here. I’m about to be traveling the country, taking photos and shooting videos. Once this tour starts, I’ll be living out my dream of traveling, doing what I love, and getting paid for it.

“Nice to see you guys again. It’s been a while,” Kade says, his deep voice booming over the mixture of the city traffic along with music floating in the background. I look up and see Kade walk around to Miller, Bordeaux, and Isla just as Flynn makes his way in. Kade is outgoing, always has been. He’s not afraid to walk up to anyone and introduce himself—or reintroduce himself. After he realized I wasn’t going to hold his hand through this, he clearly took the initiative on his own.

Kade makes his way back over to where I stand, a cocky smile on his face. “I really appreciate you letting me come out tonight.” Kade hooks his arm around my neck, pulling me in. It feels forced, and I struggle with the urge to pull away from him. “My little brother really went out on a ledge for me, but I’ve been dying to see your girl again,” Kade says. “Where’s Declan?”

* * *

“Finally!” Isla’s voice calls out over the music as we all sit around the table waiting on dinner. “I was beginning to think you weren’t gonna show, Dec.” Isla stands and runs to Declan as she walks toward the table with some loser on her arm. My chest immediately tightens when I look the dude up and down. Animalistic instincts take control over me, and I can tell he’s a loser just by looking at him in his fucking white tube socks and Adidas slides. Trendy fuck. Who wears shit like that to a dinner party? I’m calling it in my head: before the night is over, I’ll see him doing a TikTok dance underneath the neon-pink Jaded sign in the corner. This was actually pretty damn perfect timing, seeing as Kade just excused himself to go to the bathroom and get a drink.

It doesn’t surprise me that she brought someone. I figured after agreeing to all the Kade shit that she would want someone on her arm. Selfishly, I was hoping she would use me in that way—I sure as hell wouldn’t have minded. We always used to be each other’s safety nets, but it’s clear that I’m no longer that for her, and I can’t blame her.

When we were younger, prior to Kade asking Declan to be his girlfriend, the two of us would always play games. If we went out to the movies or bowling, whatever we were doing, if she would bring a date, I would too. But if one of us didn’t have a date, we’d be together all night. To any outsider, it would look like the two of us were much more than friends, just because of how we were with one another. Touching. Feeling. Close.

Always close.

I pull myself out of my thoughts before someone catches on to the fact that I’m fucked in the head right now.

I don’t know why Declan would ever date a guy like this one. She deserves the world, and I can tell just by looking at this dude that he’s not going to give her anything aside from a broken heart. And I swear, the next guy to break her heart will get his ass beat. Now that I’m back, I refuse to let anyone hurt her again.

Breaking their hug, Isla lets Declan go, and Declan walks over to us with the douchebag’s arm draped around her. Her red dress is insanely eye-catching. She looks beautiful, but she always does. Her long, dark hair is tied back and away from her face in a high ponytail, and she’s got a matching red color swept across her full lips.

Douchebag makes his rounds, shaking everyone’s hand. I don’t want to shake his hand, and I certainly don’t want to get to know him as he introduces himself to the table. Before long, Declan’s date sits, getting lost in conversation with Flynn without bothering to pull a chair out for her.

“Hey, Dec,” I call out to her just before I reach where she’s standing. “You look beautiful.” I smile and pull her in for a hug.

When she pulls away from me, I notice her dark stare is occupied with someone or something behind me. Suddenly, fingers grasp my shoulder, and I turn to see Kade. He’s back from the bar with an amber-colored liquid in a rocks glass, and his stare is deadlocked on Declan. I look between them and watch as neither can look away from each other. It’s been years since we’ve all been in the same room, and if I had a knife, I could slice the tension with it, for sure.

“Declan June,” Kade says with a sweet, sing-song rhythm. “My, my, my, DJ. How is it possible you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you?”

***

9

***

DECLAN

The walls close in as my eyes connect with his. Suddenly, every single fiber of my being is on fire with a heat I forgot existed—a heat he extinguished years ago.

I knew Kade was coming.

I told everyone I was ready.

But how could I be ready for a feeling like this? A feeling I thought I’d never succumb to again. Yet here I am, turning into my eighteen-year-old self in front of him.

I refuse to be this person.

Kade closes the gap between us, and I shake my head, physically snapping myself out of Kade’s spell as I gulp down the growing tension climbing up my throat. Why do women love bad boys? Why do we find ourselves so grossly attracted to men we know will hurt us in the end? Of course, I’m still attracted to him. He and Spence practically look like twins. But his soul is black, and everything he touches turns to shit, and I am not falling for it this time.

Not one to start shit with anyone, especially him, I smile and give him a curt nod like the grown-ass woman I am.

“Hi, Kade.” I hold the smile, shoving my emotions into a cobwebbed corner in my mind. I can do this. I try to discreetly run my eyes over him, but it’s hard with him staring at me the way he is. He’s definitely matured physically—with the slightest hint of a few laugh lines—but I can’t imagine he’s that different of a man mentally. I’m sure he’s still the same fuckboy who had women falling at his feet. The same fuckboy who promised me a life together but then decided we’d be better off as friends and moved to Minnesota to follow some job he could have had in the city.“Glad to have you back,” I lie.

Kade arches a brow, a sly smile creeping across his face. “Are you?” he asks as he rakes his fingers through his hair—the same dirty-blond hair Spence has. The two look so much alike that part of me has always wondered if my main attraction to him was because he was the closest thing I could have to Spence without getting the real thing. Kade’s expression shifts from cocky to somber, his smile fading. “Can we talk?” His eyes shift from me to my date sitting at the table. The way his eyes narrow on him isn’t lost on me. “Maybe not here, but after the party or maybe tomorrow? Sometime soon.”

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