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Ugh. She just had to go and get sappy. The tears come before I can hold them back, and Mom cups my face in her hands. I put my palms over hers and squeeze my eyes shut, committing this to memory.
“I love you,” I tell her, opening my eyes. “I’ll be home before we know it.”
***
14
***
DECLAN
There’s something about the Reid men that makes me lose all control over myself. It’s an on switch I can’t flip off, no matter how hard I try. And I’ve tried. Relentlessly.
The two of them being back in my circle has completely messed with my mind. Before, I could at least put them both out of my mind. But with them being here, I’m screwed. When I said yes to dating Kade all those years ago, I knew that was basically kissing any chance with Spence goodbye—and I came to terms with that. Now, after the years that have passed… it’s all too much. I don’t want to be stuck in the middle of them again.
But how the hell can I not be when they look like that?
I look into the wide lens of the camera as Spence stands behind it, nodding his head, letting us know we’re killing it with this shoot. Still, though, I can’t focus. I put up a damn good front, but even with the years separating us, they haven’t desensitized me from him. He’s perfect. My mind drifts to Kade and everything that happened with us. How I never even wanted him until I was sure Spence didn’t want me. But then I fell in love with him… and that was real.
And he broke my heart.
I try to tame my wild thoughts as I pluck at my bass that isn’t plugged in. Music video shoots have to be one of the most awkward things musicians do. We’re essentially faking it as our music plays over us and dozens of people look on, picking apart our every move. We’ve done enough of these shoots that we’re veterans now, but they don’t get any less uncomfortable for any of us.
“Cut!” the director screams over the music. I let my bass fall in time with my plummeting mood, the strap catching my instrument as the music blaring through the speakers comes to an abrupt stop. This has to be the tenth take of the same part of our new song, and my patience is wearing thin. My hair is down because that’s what Sabine wanted. Thank God this band has at least one woman in it, Sabine huffed when we first got on set.
“Something still doesn’t feel right. My chakras are off,” Sabine says, pulling dramatically at her hair. She brings both hands to the top of her head and runs her fingers through her messy, long blonde hair. A seemingly endless amount of beaded bracelets run up and down the length of her arms as she pouts. This is the first time Sabine is directing a video for us, and it’s also our first video since starting up Rebellion Records. The guys and I just want our redebut as perfect as possible. I look over at Bordeaux, Miller, and Flynn and try to gauge their annoyance meters. I knew working with Sabine would be a challenge. Rumor has it, she’s harder to work with than her clients, and rock stars have a die-hard reputation of being very, very hard to deal with.
“What do you say we give the band five while you try to figure out what it is?” Spence says before a long sigh escapes his lips. Spence has the patience of a damn saint, so if he’s getting frustrated, I know it’s not just me being the diva in the room.
Sabine throws her hands up and leaves the shoot area as her team scurries behind her. One is fanning her with a large magazine while another has a water bottle extended toward her. It’s like the woman is famous herself. She does do a fair amount of directing for music videos, but fuck, you’d think she was the second coming of Christ by the way her minions hang on her every move.
I swing my bass strap up and over my head before placing my instrument on the stand off to the side of the camera’s view as the guys come over to me.
“This is going to go down in history as the never-ending shoot,” Bordeaux says, pulling Chapstick out of his pocket and rolling it over his lips.
Spence walks over to us, his Converse sneakers skidding against the cold floor, his hands in the pockets of his dark jeans. His dirty-blond hair is freshly cut, the sides buzzed and the top sitting longer but still tamed backward in perfect place.
“Miller, I know you said this lady is supposed to be good, but is this shit really worth it?” Spence lets out a husky laugh while looking around our space to make sure none of her entourage are around to hear him diss their lord and savior.
“We want our redebut away from Hellfire to be fucking perfect, right?” Miller says, looking around at us. “Then we use the best of the best, even if she’s…” He sighs. “Even if she’s a fucking nutcase.”
Before any of us can argue, a tall, thin, blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman saunters up and clasps her hand around Spence’s shoulder. “Hey, there. Spence, right?” she asks, letting him go as he turns to face her. From what I can see of Spence’s side profile, he’s already checking her out. His eyelashes fall and rise as he meets her eyes.
He wouldn’t be a Reid if he wasn’t already thinking about every single way he could fuck this girl. I remember this well from high school. Spence was always the one who could charm the panties off any woman. This is why I finally ended up giving in to Kade last time. Kade pursued me and Spence didn’t. History has a funny way of repeating itself.
I roll my eyes as the blonde asks him how she looks in the camera.
She damn well knows how she looks. She’s gorgeous. If there were a complete opposite of me, this woman would be it. Her light hair to my jet-black, her baby blues to my dark brown. Her skin looks untouched; meanwhile, mine has ink crawling up and down both arms.
“You’re looking perfect,” Spence says, giving her his best smile as my stomach drops. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. It doesn’t matter how many women he flirts with in front of me—and it happened a lot when we were younger, especially once I started dating Kade—it still feels like a little knife in my chest. I curse myself for my feelings and try my best to ignore them.
Fucking Reid men and their devastating smiles and gorgeous emerald eyes. I’m so sick of Spence and Kade taking up permanent residence in my brain. Might as well give them their own damn mailbox because I just can’t get rid of them.
I watch as the blonde makes googly eyes at Spence, plopping down onto my bass case and feeling the imaginary knife twist in my gut. Miller’s eyes latch on to mine, a pinched expression forming on his face. He knows. They all know. Miller, Bordeaux, and Flynn are three of my best friends. We’ve been inseparable since the talent competition that started it all our freshman year of high school. My bandmates know there’s feelings there, that’s been made clear. They also know exactly why the only chance I have—if you could even call it a chance—is with Kade. And that’s if I feel like putting myself through that again. I’ll never have a shot with Spence. I made my choice years ago when I got with Kade—although I never felt like I had a chance with Spence anyhow.
I look away from Miller and shrug. I know full well that I have absolutely zero right to be mad, but I can’t help feeling disappointed. And I hate disappointment.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I send a text to Isla. She was supposed to be at the shoot today, but she took an important last-minute meeting for us.
