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“You know, you were right about a lot of the things you said on those notes back then,” I tell him as I slide out an old, worn, crumpled Post-It from between the pages of my notebook. “But this one, not so much.” I slide it over to him and watch as he takes it in.
Spence,
I’m worried I’ll feel this way forever.
Declan,
Everything is temporary. The way you feel today will be gone tomorrow. I promise.
He looks up at me after he’s read the words, and I pull his hands back to my own.
“You were wrong there, Spence Reid,” I tell him. “Everything isn’t temporary. There are some feelings that never leave, no matter how hard you battle against them.” I bite my lip as I struggle to get the words out. Closing my eyes, I see my entire life with Spence flashing behind my eyelids. Everything replays in front of me from the moment he found me standing in the library, to our walks, surfing the internet, lying together in his bed—it all plays out again in fast motion like a speeding train. “I don’t remember exactly what I was talking about in that note, but I can guess it probably held a few meanings. One, the sadness about our move, about my dad leaving us and not believing me about what happened to me in California. But also, I was already so hopelessly in love with you. And I was worried I’d always feel trapped inside this love that I couldn’t divulge in. Because I was afraid of losing you too. You were the only person I had when I moved here. Life gave me you, and I couldn’t risk throwing it away on my feelings.”
Spence lets go of my hands and comes around to my side of the table. He wastes no time picking me up and setting me up on the table so we’re almost eye level. His hands are in my hair, and his mouth crashes against mine. His tongue slides along the crease of my lips, and I willingly let him in. My entire body heats from his touch. His hands tangle in my hair, his mouth rhythmically moving against my own.
When we pull away from each other, both of us needing air, we stay close, our foreheads resting against each other’s.
“You couldn’t have been more wrong, because everything is not temporary. My feelings for you have never been temporary, Spence.”
His mouth meets mine once again, and I completely lose myself in him.
“I will always choose you,” I tell him, breaking away from our kiss. “Even when I try not to, I chose you.”
He smiles, bringing his lips to mine and peppering me with soft kisses. “God, am I glad to hear you say that. I’m so damn in love with you, Declan. Nothing in this entire world could ever change that. It’s always been you for me.”
“Even when you were being sucked into a crazy cult by some hot blonde?” I ask with a grin.
“You never left my mind. No matter how hard I tried.”
“And we tried, didn’t we?” I smile at him, thinking about just how hard we tried to not be in love with one another. But the universe knew exactly what it was doing, putting us in each other’s paths. “I love you too, Spence.”
***
33
***
DECLAN
“We just won a fucking Grammy!” Miller screams at the top of his lungs as we walk along some discreet beach in California I’d never even heard of—and I grew up not even an hour from here. Ironically enough, Rush also grew up here. He said this would be our best bet to not have to try to hold off excited fans, and he was right.
It probably helps that it’s three in the morning.My heart skips a beat when I remember how only two weeks ago my mom was missing at this time.
We’re all still dressed up in our Grammy attire. Isla and Bordeaux walk hand in hand, Isla’s sparkling white-glitter gown hugs her perfectly, and B’s tux makes him look like a million bucks. Miller and Flynn walk behind them, hand in hand, swinging their arms and poking fun at them.
I look up at my guy and decide I have the best date of all on my arm. He looks ultra-delicious in his black-and-white tuxedo. He’s hot, no matter what the occasion, but I could certainly get used to seeing Spence Reid in formal wear.
We stroll on the beach, Spence carrying my shoes as the sand slips and slides underneath our bare feet. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Dec.” Spence stops, and on cue, my security halts a few feet behind us. “Who would have known my best friend turned love of my life would be a Grammy-winning artist? Did you think we would be here all those years ago? What did the future look like to you?”
I squeeze his hand as we continue walking. My life looked a lot different, at least to me. I was in love with Spence Reid before I even knew his brother, but then I fell in love with Kade too. I thought my life began and ended with Kade. And as much as it still kills me to admit it, I would have been settling. Kade would have been a good husband to someone, I believe that. If he could have tamed those demons inside him, he would have been capable of rare love. I know he had it in him, but he just wasn’t ever meant to be the man for me.
“No,” I answer him simply. He doesn’t need to know the thoughts swirling in my mind because all that matters now is that we’re finally together. After all this time, Spence and I have found our way to each other.
* * *
Three days later, we’re back at Rebellion Records, back to songwriting and music making. Being here, no matter how new our space is, feels so much like home for me. Surrounded by music and my best friends, there’s nowhere that could be more peaceful.
Spence steps into my office as I try to figure out a new harmony for something I’m working on. I’m surprised to see him because he’s off today. We’ve got no shoots or anything for him to work on. I always get here about an hour before the band because I’m an early riser, and the guys are all wake up at noon type of men.
