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Spence shakes his head, still smiling, still sending shockwaves throughout my body. “Nah,” he says, twirling his straw around in his drink before looking at me once more. “It’s you, Dec. You just have that effect on people.”
What the hell does that even mean?
“So,” I say, wanting to change the subject yet again because I feel like I’ve got a thousand ants crawling all over my skin. “Tell me more about you. Who are you now, Spence Reid?” I really don’t know him anymore, and it makes my heart ache. To be as close as the two of us were during the most formative years of our lives, not going even an hour without talking, to suddenly going years without talking… it’s a lot.
Spence studies me for a moment before speaking, licking his lips and sheepishly looking away just as a camera flashes in our direction.
I don’t bother looking for the origin of the flash. I’m used to it.
“My God, these people are relentless, aren’t they?” he asks, avoiding my question and chancing a glance out the window of the restaurant. “I guess I didn’t realize just how famous you and the guys really are.” His cheeks redden a bit, just slightly deviating from the natural ivory of his skin. I laugh as he shakes his head. “I clearly need to get more with the times.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re avoiding, Spence.”
“You caught me.” He grins. “You always did know how to read me insanely well.” Spence takes a drink of his water, opting to stray from the gin and Coke he ordered. “A pretty big part of me hates myself for leaving, you know?”
A sudden intake of air rushes into my lungs at his words. It’s unavoidable and strange, catching me by surprise. “Why would you hate yourself for leaving?” I ask, genuinely confused. He always loved photography, and he wanted to make something out of his passion. What’s there to hate?
Our server brings us the check, and I look down at the time. We’ve been here for over three hours, but it feels like only minutes since we sat down together. This is how things always went with Spence. We’d lose ourselves in each other all the time.
“Lots of reasons, not just one thing. I’ve got a pretty long list of regrets, Dec, but we should get you home at a decent hour.” He winks, and I’m equal parts furious and smitten.
God.
I cannot do this all over again. I cannot fall in love with Spence Reid for a second time.
***
4
***
SPENCE
“So, when are you and Declan going to finally just get together already?” Noelle looks at me with a lopsided grin, and I scoff. I haven’t even been home a full week, and my little sister is already prying into my love life.
Since walking in the door, I’ve spent the better part of the past hour explaining myself, telling Noelle why she saw me in Declan’s Instagram story the other night at dinner. The father of the little girl who approached us at The Pour House tagged Declan in our selfie on Instagram, and Declan reposted it to her story. Noelle apparently saw it and took the fact that we were out together the wrong way.
“I’m sorry,” I tell Noelle as I set our parents’ table for dinner. “I don’t know when you became delusional, but you’re going to have to pull yourself out of this one, baby sister.” I set the last of the plates down and turn to her. “Declan is, and always has been, just a friend.” At least in theory. “You know this. Mom and Dad know this. Why do all of you insist that there’s anything more between us?” I remember all the times my parents and sister tried pushing me toward Declan before Kade got under her skin. They never accepted the two of us were just friends, though—not until Declan and Kade started dating. Everything shifted after that. Despite the fact that she and Kade were an item, Declan and I remained best friends. That was it. Case closed.
Although… that’s not entirely truthful on my part.
I get that men are primal fuckers. I get that we’re fully incapable of not wanting to screw a woman who is attractive, smart, and has her shit together—and Declan checks off every single box. She’s the type of woman I not only need in my life but also want in my life. If things were different, if time hadn’t gotten in the way of us, I’d risk everything for her—even after all this time. Declan is the type of woman you’d be sorry not to risk it all for.
Our last conversation all those years ago still fucks with me. The one in Iconic, right after she found out about signing with Hellfire Records. It was the night, the fucking night, I was going to tell her everything. I was going to tell her how I felt about her. But I couldn’t go through with it.
The air smells salty. The crowd of people that were all packed in here to see Reckless Desires, my best friend’s band, is insane. There’s no way we weren’t over capacity, and at first, I was worried about Frankie getting slapped with another fine, but then I remember she doesn’t give a shit.
The patrons have long since trickled out, and it’s just Declan and I left now that the guys have gone home. Bordeaux was supposed to lock up, but I asked him to let me do it so I could be alone with Declan for a bit. I’m finally going to tell her. I’m going to tell my best friend that I’m in love with her and want to be with her.
“The feeling I get after I play on a stage never gets old.” Declan looks out at the now empty stage, swinging her legs back and forth on the bar top. “It’s like this… indescribable feeling.” She looks at me and smiles. “Even if I wanted to tell you, I couldn’t. I can’t put it into words. My entire world is just… tilted. You know? For those small moments in time, my universe is combusting. Every single star in the sky is within reach, and I feel so alive that it’s unimaginable. Everything from my pulse pounding in my ears to the blood circulating through my body—I feel it all.”
I swing my arm over her shoulder and pull her into me as we sit together. She’s sweaty and sticky, and I don’t even care because I love this girl.
My pulse pounds for an entirely different reason than the one she’s talking about. I’ve been waiting years to tell her this. I can’t think of a better spot than Iconic, because this is her favorite place in the world.
“I have a secret.” Declan grins at me, and I narrow my eyes in return. “God, Spence. I’ve been fucking dying to tell you since the other day, but we were sworn to secrecy. And you know I’m superstitious. I couldn’t let this not happen and—”
“Dec, what is it?” I ask, thinking I probably already know the answer, and while I’m going to be insanely pumped for them, I’m terrified.
