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“I was fucked up from the moment I found out who she was. Part of me wondered, deep down, if her dad sent her in, but that didn’t make sense. Even for Amato. I knew it had to be sheer luck that she walked in, and I vowed I’d use her to get payback on her family, and I was willing to go against your orders to stand down. I shouldn’t have been so hot-tempered, but honestly, can you blame me?”
I shrug and wince from the pain that shoots through my shoulder and chest. “I’m not too proud to admit she got the best of me. I wanted to be around her. Kept inserting myself into her life under the guise I was going to ruin her, or at least, use her to get back at them, but fuck. I don’t think it was ever actually about that. No matter how fucking bad I wanted to believe it.”
I clench my eyes shut, and thoughts about how badly I’ve fucked up run rampant through my head. I’m supposed to be a fucking capo for this family, and I couldn’t resist the one woman I should’ve been able to forget about.
But I’m fucking useless when it comes to Giana Amato.
“When Gabriel Jr. busted through the door, I saw how strong she was. How unwilling to back down even when she should be terrified. Saw this whole other side of her that just reassured me that, everything else be damned, she’s it. All I wanted was to keep her safe. And I know I’ve fucked up, but I’m done denying I want her.” I shake my head and try to move my stiff arm, but the pain bites back quick as fuck. “It was never supposed to be her. The enemy.Nemica.But it is. It’s her.”
The truth hurts more than the fucking bullet wound.
The whole damn time I was trying not to fall for her, falling anyway, but still using her in part to reverse what I thought was going on… What a fucking bastard.
I look at Antonio, and I can’t read the expression on his face. My dad, though…
My dad is pissed off.
A scowl crosses his face as he inhales deeply before reaching over from his spot in a chair to stoke the fire next to him.
“Falling for the enemy. For an Amato, of all people, Dante…” My father scratches his head as he shakes it slowly back and forth. “I’m not proud of how you’ve been acting. You’re too trigger happy—with everything. From actually pulling a trigger to falling for a woman that is going to get us into even deeper shit than we’re already in with that family.”
“I kn—”
He holds up his palm. “I’m not finished.”
I glance over at my son, his eyes locked on his grandfather as he shifts in his seat.
“I’m displeased, but I’m not heartless. We’re going to figure this out, but we’re going to do it my way. Do you understand me?”
I almost think I see a smile, but he quickly rights himself.
“You’ve been nothing but a damn handful since the day you were born, son.” Dad finally lets a small grin spread on his face and sets the fire iron down in its holder. “Not sure why I let it surprise me that you’d get yourself wrapped up in a girl you’ve got no business wrapping yourself up in, but hey.” He gently hits the arm of the chair. “What goes around comes around, boy. I hope I’m here to see Antonio give you as much shit in the next few years as you gave me in your twenties.”
I make a move to disagree, but he holds his hand out, silencing me.
“Now, let’s get down to business, shall we? We’ve got a shitstorm with the Amato family that we need to figure out once and for all. I’ve called the guys in. Rest up so you’re well enough for all of them to give you shit, too.”
“We’re naturally deceptive creatures,quite literally wired to deceive. Whether it’s to fit in, stand out, or gain an advantage over others, we’re liars. All of us.”
His words play on a loop in my mind.
Blood pools in my mouth, some of the liquid sliding down my throat. Warm and thick and gooey. The coppery, metallic taste sends my stomach spinning, but I ignore it and continue to bite down on my lip, needing to focus on the here and now and not get lost in memories again. His ghost is haunting my every single waking moment, and sometimes even my dreams. The memory of him, of his touch on my skin and his voice in my ears… It’s too much.
I had a taste of the freedom I so desperately crave, and just like that, as quick as the bullet I sent careening into my brother’s chest, it was gone.
It’sallgone.
My knees are cradled against my chest as I rock back and forth and stare at the wall in front of me in the dark cellar of the house I’ve grown up in. The house that has never been a home to me.
Thwack!
The bite of my father’s belt stings my skin as the leather slaps quickly against my flesh. Vomit threatens, this morning’s barely there breakfast and acidic poison climbing up my throat, but I shove it back down, unwilling to give my father a reaction.
He’s jonesing for one.
Seeking it out like a junkie.
But I refuse.
