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I shake my head. “I didn’t mean… I don’t actually want to hurt anyone!”
“He was happy to hurt you.”
I wrap my arms around myself, replaying that night over and over again in my head, like a high definition movie reel blocking out reality. I shouldn’t have gone.
She raises a lone eyebrow. “You’re a vampire. You’re never going back to being human. It’s time to come to terms with that.”
“You’rethe one who hates vampires, why are you suddenly so eager for me to embrace being one?”
“Because not doing so is hurting you, Deni.”
“Bullshit!” I run my hands through my hair as if searching for something to hang onto. I can’t explain to her that I might be lying – that maybe I really do want to hurt him. That the monster in me is just waiting to break out. But it’s one thing to lose control of it and another to deliberately let lose. What if I embrace being a vampire and lose myself in the process? “I just don’t understand why you’re doing this to me.”
“I need to be able to trust you if we’re going to keep working together. And that means not being worried you’re going to tear into me at any moment.”
“Howthe hellis this supposed to help with that?”
“Because if you can manage not to kill someone you hate as much as him, you can hopefully manage not to kill me. Supposing you hate me less than him.”
“Ugh! I don’t hate you!” I throw my hands up, tears in my eyes.God, this is so embarrassing.“I didn’t lose control, alright? I was never going to bite you, I just wanted to believe that because… because…” I shake my head. “Forget it.” Angry, I turn on my heels. “I can go home on foot.”
“Don’t walk away from me.” She holds me back by my shoulders. “Please,” she adds with what sounds like inhuman effort.
With my hands in fists, I turn back around.
She cups my cheek with her hand. “I’m sorry, kitten. I’ve known a lot of vampires in my life and I haven’t exactly seen their best side. I thought revenge would be something you enjoyed but you’re different. I should know that by now.”
“So what you’re saying is you haven’t listened to anything I’ve said to you,” I say, voice thick with tears. I don’t even know why I’m saying it like this – I work for her. Why would she care what I have to say and why would I care if she doesn’t?
“I promise I did,” she sighs. “But old beliefs die hard. This wasn’t meant to be traumatising for you.”
I wipe my tears. “How couldn’t it be?”
She winces slightly. “I don’t know. To be honest, I’ve had some informants pick up what they were saying happened that night at the Myrrh & Adder and… well, you were right. It was degrading. It put me in the mood to watch you tear his throat open.”
“Why?”
Now she’s the one defensively crossing her arms. “Because I’m protective of the people that work for me, alright?”
“Well, you show that in a really messed up way.”
“Okay, I admit screwed this up. I just wanted to show you that you’re not as helpless as you think you are. You have power and youcancontrol it.”
“But I am helpless! You’re the one who saved me. Mel found him and brought him here. I couldn’t get revenge on my own.”
Celeste finds my hands and winds her fingers through mine. “Exactly. You’re only helpless if you’re alone.” She squeezes my hands. “You saved me from getting arrested in that club. Nobody can do it alone, kitten. That doesn’t make you weak.” She smiles. “And wanting to kiss me doesn’t make you weak, either.”
I let out a frustrated grunt and withdraw me hands.Ugh. She’s the absolute worst.
Huffing, I turn around and march towards the container.
“Are you sure you want to go in there?”
“Yes,” I hiss. “I’m hungry. But if you let me kill him, I’m done working for you.”
“I won’t.”
With a hammering heart I step back inside, where her prisoner has tried to scoot towards the open door. He squirms as we enter. Sweat is beading on his forehead despite the cold winter air. My legs slow until I am rendered motionless, stopped only a few steps from him.
