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“Oh.”
She pulls her hands away and waves one at the mess. “And I’m out, not a single gram left anywhere.” Placing her face back in her hands, she says with a hollow voice, “But it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
“Is the withdrawal dangerous?”
Her face is angry when she looks up. “I’m not in withdrawal, I’m just… I…” She stops herself. After a moment, she places her head back into her hands and says defeatedly, “No, it’s not dangerous.”
Cautiously, I place my hands on her shoulders. “That’s good. So you just have to ride it out. Maybe this is a good thing?”
She scoffs. “Oh, shut up. What would you know about this?”
I flinch.
Celeste raises her head, her expression pained. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. You should probably stay away until this is over.”
I step a little closer and wrap my arms around her. “I’m not going anywhere.”
She nestles her head against the crook of my neck. It feels strange to hold her but also surprisingly easy.
“Mel doesn’t think I see the face she makes when I light up.” Shivers go through her. “As if I don’t know I have a problem.”
“So why do you keep using it?”
“Because I’d be dead without it!” She lifts her head again, her movement agitated. “Dante gave it to me the first time I had it. It made everything hurt so much less.”
I gently push aside as much broken glass as I can so I can hop up on the table beside her.
“When you take it you don’t feel whatever happens to your body because you’re not really there. Like you’re watching yourself from the outside.”
I remember her stories of how Dante brought her to the city. “I see how that could be… desirable.”
She sits and stares at the wall opposite us for a while before continuing. “With relationships like that it’s not over even when it’s over. He’s been gone for so long and I still feel like he’s waiting behind every corner. Watching those girls suffer is like it’s happening all over again and I can’t protect them. I can’t protect you. What is the point of any of this,” She gestures as the elixirs and jars around us. “If I’m still just as weak as I was?”
“You’re not.” I run my hands through her hair. “Remember? Because you’re no longer alone. You said that. We protect each other.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t even know if I believe that myself.”
“I believe it.” I kiss her hair, inhaling her scent. “Is there somewhere you have to be today?”
Celeste shakes her head.
“Good. Come on.” I get up and tug on her elbow, half expecting her to ignore me. But she follows me and lets me lead her through the mess on the floor and up the stairs.
She grimaces at the stuff lying around everywhere. “Sorry about this.”
I wave my hand dismissively. “Can’t you just… you know, magic everything back?”
“I wish.”
***
Because it’s the only room that has survived Hurricane Celeste, I sit her down in the guest room, which I can’t help but consider my own now. She kicks off her shoes and climbs onto the bed, pulling her knees to her chest. I make tea in the kitchen while she waits, carefully avoiding anything shattered or broken in my path. When I get back, she has her eyes closed and is leaning her head back against the headboard. Her expression looks pained.
“You know,” she starts when I set down the teapot, “I don’t think I even remembered what emotions were anymore before I met you. Well, other than spite.”
I pour the tea a little too early, the liquid pale yellow and not strong enough.Can you do one thing right?
When I hand her the cup, she grasps it like her life depends on it.
