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“Oh, so you’ve done this a lot?”
“No, I–”
“How often would you say you violate someone’s autonomy? Once a month? Once a week?”
“Stop it, Deni! That is not what I said.”
“Have you done it to me?”
Silence.
“Answer me!” I hate how my voice rises in pitch. Mav stirs again and I bite my lip to be quiet, stroking his hair.
“I would never make you do anything you didn’t want to.”
“How would you know what I want?! Oh right, because you’reinside my head!”
She takes a deep, slightly rattling breath. “Can we talk about this in person? It’s not safe for you–”
“No!” I wipe the tears from my face with my sleeve when something dawns on me. “When you came into the room at the Myrrh & Adder, you did that because you wanted me to spy on Charon’s Veil! I could see you watching the table before… But you weren’t planning on offering me work at all, were you? You didn’t want to help me, you just wanted to use me.”
“I would have helped you no matter what.”
“But I’m right, aren’t I? That’s why you gave me your blood in the first place.”
“I…” She sighs. “Fine. That very first time you drank my blood I was planning to use blood magic to spy on Charon’s Veil. But I never did, alright?”
“And then you lied to me about it every day after that.”
“I wasn’t lying. I didn’t think it mattered, I was never going to use it against you.”
“Oh, you don’t even believe that yourself!” I hiss. “If you didn’t think it mattered then why keep it from me? Tell me you didn’t use it on me.”
“I already told you I’d never make you do anything–”
“That’s not what I asked you!” Remembering Mav’s words about the ice in his head, I ask, “What about that time you walked in on me in the bed, when you made me say those things? That wasn’t blood magic?”
Silence again.
“Celeste!”
“Would you feel differently if I’d done the same thing with a different kind of magic? Does it matter?”
“Yes it matters! I would have never freely given you that kind of power over me, I just assumed you already had it!”
She lets out a long sigh. “Yes, that was blood magic. But I only influenced what you said, everything else was your choice.”
“Oh, how fucking generous of you!” If I would pause for a moment I might notice that the anger filling me until it bursts over is really panic. How did I let this happen again? How did I put my trust in someone who would so blatantly go behind my back? “All this time you were bullshitting me, telling me that I wasn’t as helpless as I thought I was… when really it was so much worse! You basically had complete and utter control over me from the day we met! How can I trust anything that I’ve done or thought since then?”
“You can because youknowI would never make you do anything you didn’t want to do!”
“Except for making me spy on Charon’s Veil.”
“But I didn’t make you do that, did I?”
“You did it to Mav! Why is that different? Does he matter less than me?”
“I panicked and made a mistake, alright? I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would hurt him. If you come here, I can explain more. And I’m sure I can help him. But right now I need you to tell me where you are so I can come and get you.”
