AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My vision blurred as I rested my head against the cold marble of the headstone. “I miss you so much, baby. There’s so much I wanted to share with you.” I felt the tears slide down my cheeks. “We were supposed to be forever, damn it. You promised.” I gave myself a few more minutes to let go, glad no one was around to see.
I finally wiped my face and stood. I brushed the top of his headstone one more time. “I’ll see you on Veterans Day, baby.”
The ride home found me thinking about Liam. His PTSD kicked in hard after he recovered from his pneumonia and got off all the pain meds. His family had thought about sending him to an inpatient psych unit. I’d told Jeremy it was a bad idea to put a kidnapping survivor in a locked ward. Jeremy got information from his therapist about an outpatient program, so Liam went there instead.
I’d gone back and forth between wanting to hold his hand through the whole thing and wanting to get as far away from him as possible. I couldn’t deal with the possibility that he might go downhill like Terry had.
It turned out, however, that Liam O’Neil was made of sterner stuff. He’d graduated from his program and was doing really well, by all accounts. I’d called him a few times to check in and let him know he could talk to me if his PTSD kicked up again. Because the truth was, you could have all the therapy in the world, and sometimes those little demons still popped up.
But that was as deep as I could let myself get with him. Liam was the kind of guy who could burrow into my heart without me noticing. I couldn’t let that happen. Not again. Never again.
2
Liam
Tom Kincaid, the medical director for the Visiting Nurses Association, VNA for short, smiled at me. He was a handsome man, probably in his late forties, with dark hair that had just a touch of gray at the temples. A total silver fox. “Your resume is quite impressive, Mr. O’Neil. I have to ask, though, why do you want to work here? The salary won’t match what you could get in other places.”
I nodded. “I know. But the mission of the VNA is close to my heart, and right now, I’m not worried about making a lot of money. I just want to get back to working.”
He smiled broadly. “Well, we’d certainly benefit from your experience and dedication. Working for Doctors Without Borders is no joke.”
My stomach twisted. “No, it’s not.” I cleared my throat. “I want to tell you about the three-month gap in my work history.”
Tom steepled his fingers. “Okay.”
I knew I didn’t have to tell him about my PTSD diagnosis, but I thought he needed to know, just in case. I steeled myself and began. “While working in the refugee camp, I was kidnapped by militants who thought I was a doctor.” He made a sound of distress, but I barreled through. “When they figured out I was a nurse, they beat me. They were going to shoot me, but I was rescued at the last minute.” I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Not surprisingly, I developed PTSD.”
Tom shook his head. “I would be surprised if you hadn’t. So the three months was recovery?”
I nodded. “First from the beating, including pneumonia from having cracked ribs. The PTSD showed up after all the pain meds wore off.”
Tom leaned forward in his chair. “How do you feel now?”
“Good,” I replied. “I just wanted you to know in case I get triggered and can’t get myself together.”
“Does that happen often?”
I shook my head. “My prescriber and I finally hit on the right medication, and I have a good therapist who’s confident I can do this. This is me covering all my bases.”
“Duly noted,” Tom said. “When can you start?”
I was really excited when I got home. I was still living at my mother’s house because I hadn’t been able to work until now. I hoped to be able to get my own place in a few months after I was settled in the job at the VNA. Maybe I could take on some private practice work on the side when I felt up to it. When I got home, my mother’s boyfriend’s car was in the driveway, and I hoped I wouldn’t walk in on anything I would need brain bleach to erase.
I shook my head. My mother had a boyfriend. Dr. Robert Martin. He had examined me when I first came home from Lebanon. It was still strange to see him here with my mother, even though they’d been dating for two months.
My father’s sudden death from a massive stroke eight years ago sometimes seemed like yesterday. Maybe it was because it happened right in front of me. I’d spent the time from his collapse until the paramedics arrived administering CPR, to no avail. Later, the doctors had told us there was nothing anyone could have done. I’d been in my second year of my bachelor’s in nursing and had almost quit after that. My mother, a nurse herself, had a long talk with me about the realities of nursing. She’d told me I had to decide whether I would let the losses I would inevitably experience outweigh the many people I could help.
Needless to say, I took her words to heart—maybe a bit too deeply. They drove me to go on for my master’s in nursing. They also inspired me to take a one-year contract with Doctors Without Borders. We all know how that turned out.
I shook off the memories and went inside. I didn’t see my mother or Robert when I walked into the house, but I heard their voices coming from the back deck. Mom had the sliding screen door open to let in the mild fall breeze.
As I got closer, I heard my name. Then I heard Mom say, “I tried to tell Sean that Liam’s doing better, but he’s as stubborn as his father. Liam getting hurt like that scared him, and he won’t hear anything about leaving. I know he misses Jeremy something fierce. He was supposed to meet him in Paris this week, but he won’t leave his brother.”
I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw. I knew Sean was hiding something from me. Every time I’d asked him about Jeremy, he’d gotten this fake smile and told me everything was fine. “Damn it,” I muttered.
I opened the screen door and stepped onto the deck. Mom smiled and stood to give me a hug. “How did it go?” she asked.
I couldn’t help my grin. “I start Monday.” Mom made a happy sound and squeezed me tight. “That’s wonderful. I’m so proud of you.”
