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By the time I got inside my house, I hadn’t gotten any closer to the answer. I went over to the mantel and touched the picture of Terry and me like I always did. Then I went upstairs to my bedroom, deciding sleep would help me work through the problem.
The nightmare started like it always did. My team was under fire, and I stood over Terry’s prone body, protecting him from further injury. Then the scene shifted to an empty beach. All my team members were gone, and it was just me standing over Terry’s cold body, watching his blood soak into the sand. “Terry,” I choked out, reaching for him to do something, anything to save him. To my horror, the dream changed, and instead of Terry lying there, Liam stared up at me, his beautiful pale-green eyes cold and lifeless.
“Liam!” I woke screaming from my dream, my heart pounding, my stomach churning like I was going to throw up. I gripped my hair in both hands. “No. No. No.”
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t get involved with someone again. I almost didn’t survive it the last time. I threw myself out of bed and paced the floor. I didn’t know what to do. Liam was making this out to be more than it was. Liam must have thought he saw something in me to encourage him to invite himself over. My conscience hammered at me, highlighting everything I’d done the night before to make him think we could be more.
I shook my head. No. I hadn’t done anything but give a friend a birthday present. I had to stop this. I had to make it clear to him that we were nothing more than friends with benefits. I could call him and cancel. That would be enough. But would it?
My phone pinged with a text from Tony, reminding me about the security gig in two days. I groaned. It was a high-profile wedding in New York City. It was a two-day event and security would be tight. I hated weddings. They were too fucking chaotic.
I texted Tony that I’d be there. When I closed my text app, I noticed the Grindr app. It occurred to me that I hadn’t used it in weeks.What the fuck? I tried to remember the last time I’d hooked up with anyone besides Liam. I couldn’t.
There was one way I could show Liam where we stood without question. He would have to understand then that we could never be more than friends with benefits. I ignored the part of my mind that screamed at me that I was being cruel. Better that than risk a repeat of what happened with Terry.
I pulled up the app and logged in.
30
Liam
I hurried up the sidewalk to Marco’s front door. I was running later than I wanted because I got caught up at the clinic and then everyone in Monmouth County decided to go to the supermarket after work. I shifted my grocery bag to my left hand to get Marco’s house key out of my jacket pocket. I teased him all the time for locking his door even when he was home, but I understood it, given his line of work.
“Sorry I’m late,” I called out.
“No problem,” I heard him say. It sounded like he was in the kitchen. Good, he could help me prep dinner. My heart was hammering hard. After our night on the boat, Marco seemed different, warmer. I had hope that we could be more than just friends with benefits.
I turned the corner into the kitchen and saw Marco leaning against the counter, looking at his phone. “Hey,” I said. I walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Did you get any sleep after we got back?”
“Yeah,” he said absently. He set his phone down on the counter and gave me a hug. “I forgot something upstairs. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” I said. I set my grocery bag on the counter and took off my jacket, hanging it on the back of a chair. I started taking out the food I’d bought. I had decided to make chicken Marsala because my mom had a really good recipe for it, and it wasn’t that difficult. I’d also bought a nice bottle of white wine to go with it.
I had just finished emptying the bag when Marco’s phone pinged with that distinctive Grindr app sound. I felt a sick twist in my gut. Was Marco really on Grindr right now? It pinged again, and despite my head screaming at me to leave it, I picked up Marco’s phone.
On the screen was a picture of what was objectively a very nice, tight ass. Two hands held the pale cheeks apart to reveal a puckered pink hole, already wet with lube. I distantly wondered how the guy had managed to do that and take such a good picture.
Underneath was a message:
Cutietwinkboi817: Don’t keep this pretty hole waiting too long.
I thought for a moment that I was going to vomit. I put Marco’s phone back down and noticed my hands were trembling and my heart was racing. I let out a long breath. Tears pricked my eyes, but I forced them back. “Enough,” I whispered. The phone pinged again with another notification. I grabbed my leather jacket from the back of the chair I’d hung it on. The phone lit up yet again just as Marco stepped into the room. I gestured to the phone with my chin while I zipped up my jacket. “You should get that,” I said. “You wouldn’t want to keep that pretty hole waiting.”
Marco flinched at my coarse words, and part of me was glad I’d at least stung him. He took a few steps toward me. “Liam…”
I shook my head. “You wanted me to see that, didn’t you?” When his eyes shifted away from mine, I raised my hands in surrender. “It’s fine. You warned me. You don’t want anything serious.” I looked into his beautiful, dark eyes. “But we had something. You know it, and I know it. Last night was…” My words stuttered to a stop. “Never mind. I can’t do this on your terms anymore, so I’m going to exit gracefully while I still can.” I took his house key from my jacket pocket and put it on the counter. “Goodbye, Marco.” I stepped around him, giving him a wide berth as I made my way out of the kitchen. In the doorway, I turned to face him one last time. “You know, before this started, you said we were friends.” I gestured toward his phone, which pinged again, as if making my point. “That was just plain cruel. Friends don’t do that.” Then I walked out his front door without looking back.
I didn’t remember driving to Sean and Jeremy’s house. I just suddenly found myself sitting in my car in their driveway. I didn’t want to interrupt anything, so I called Sean before I barged in on them. My brother picked up on the first ring. “Hey, Liam, what’s up?”
“Sean.” I could barely get out his name.
“Liam? What’s wrong? Where are you?”
I choked out a laugh. “In your driveway. Can I come in?”
“Of course.” I heard him moving and saw the front door open. Sean hurried down the porch steps and over toward my car, his phone still in his hand. I barely had time to get out of the car before he was there, pulling me into his arms.
That broke the dam. My brother was solid and strong, and I’d always felt safe with him. The tears I’d been holding back surged up. I fell apart, unable to speak intelligibly while he held me tight. He didn’t ask me any questions. He just closed my car door and led me into his house. Jeremy stood in the doorway, looking worried.
