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Cutietwinkboi817: The Empress. Room 204.
Fuck it.
Jerseyjoe09: Be there in 20.
It took me less than twenty minutes to get to Asbury Park. The Empress Hotel was down by the boardwalk, connected to Paradise, the gay nightclub. The club where I’d had my first taste of Liam O’Neil. I heard the muted bass beat coming from the club as I walked past its doors.
My steps slowed as I rounded the corner, heading toward the hotel’s entrance. Normally I’d be hyped and ready to fuck. But every time I thought about the picture on my phone, it was overlaid with the hurt in Liam’s eyes as he calmly exited my life. And apparently, my dick was team Liam tonight.
While I was standing on the sidewalk like a dumbass, my phone vibrated with a call. I checked the screen, partly hoping it was Liam, even if he was calling just to curse me out. Disappointment filled me when I saw it was Tony. I swiped to answer, hoping he had a job that would take my mind off all this shit.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“You asshole,” Tony growled.
“What…?”
He didn’t give me a chance to finish. “I just got off the phone with Jeremy. Liam is over there after coming from your house. He’s a mess, and Jeremy had to stop Sean from going out to look for your dumb ass.”
My head fell back and I squeezed my eyes shut. “Fuuuck. I told Liam it was casual. He knew it when we started.”
“Oh yeah?” Tony snarled. “How many of your hookups do you take out on your brother’s boat to go stargazing?”
“I…” I had no answer for him.
“That’s what I thought,” he replied curtly. “Normally, I’d tell you to fix this, but I don’t think you can. Liam is one of the nicest people I know, and you treated him like shit. You should have kept your dick in your pants since you’re too much of a coward to take a chance with someone like him.”
Anger flared in me. “Fuck you, Tony. You know what happened with Terry. You know I can’t go through that again.”
“Liam is nothing like Terry!” Tony shouted. “Terry never wanted help. I get that he was dealt a shitty hand, but he had the chance to still do good. He couldn’t get past not being a SEAL anymore. He was on self-destruct from the second he got back to the States.” His voice got softer. “He almost took you with him, and I can never forgive him for that.”
Tears pricked the backs of my eyes. “Tony…”
“Enough,” my brother said quietly. “I’ll talk to Liam tomorrow, see if I can get him to stay on the team. He’s a good medic, and he’s good for morale. If he stays, I’ll have Andrea or Dante pick him up for missions since they both live down here.”
Everything I wanted to say got stuck in my throat. All I could manage was, “Okay.”
Tony sighed. “You need to get past this, Marco. Liam…he’s one of the good ones. You might not get many more opportunities like that.”
“Yeah. Okay. I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I ended the call and barely resisted throwing my phone against the building. My head was such a mess. I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Another Grindr notification came through, and I groaned. I couldn’t do this now.
Cutietwinkboi817: Hey, Daddy. You on your way?
Jerseyjoe09: Sorry, can’t make it. Something came up. Maybe next time.
I turned off my phone and put it back in my pocket. I didn’t want to go home, so I crossed the street and headed onto the boardwalk. It was quiet this time of year. The boardwalk nightlife didn’t get going until Memorial Day weekend. In mid-March, a few year-round restaurants and bars were open, as well as the retro arcade, and that was about it.
I stood at the railing separating the boardwalk from the beach. The sky was dark, with no moon. Only a few stars were visible, the rest dimmed by all the lights from the boardwalk businesses. In my mind, I could hear Liam complaining about light pollution. Out in the distance, I saw the lights of several small boats shining like stars that had somehow touched the ocean.
I unexpectedly felt tears come to my eyes as the memory of my night with Liam on Tino’s boat rose in my mind. I remembered the wonder in his eyes as we’d gazed at the stars spread like a carpet over the moonless sky. I also remembered the look on his face when I’d risen above him to enter his body and the tears he’d tried to hide from me when his orgasm crashed over him.
My head dropped and I gripped the railing tighter. I really was a complete and total asshole. A memory came to me then, sweet as honey and sharp as a knife: the night Liam had come to my house to take care of me. In my haze of pain and grogginess, I’d said I was a mess. Tears poured down my cheeks as I remembered what he said to me. “You’re not a mess. You’re fine just the way you are.” Another memory came right on the heels of that one. The night of Jeremy and Sean’s engagement, when he’d seen me suffering and taken care of me yet again. He’d allowed me my grief and honored my relationship with Terry.
It hit me with the force of a tidal wave. Everything he’d done was out of love, with no strings or expectations of me returning it. “Oh God,” I whispered. “What have I done?”
I finally dragged my sorry ass back to my empty house. All the lights were still on. In the kitchen, the food that Liam had brought for the dinner he had never made sat on the counter next to a bottle of white wine. I picked up the bottle, remembering him telling me how much he liked this wine. He’d wanted to share it with me.
