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“The best way to get something done the right way is to do it yourself,” I said with a grin. “Or to tell your childrennotto do it.”
Troy burst out laughing. “That came out of nowhere.”
I tilted my head slightly. “I learned that from Rachel, she always says that. When I see her kids, I kind of get where she’s coming from.”
“They’re a handful,” Troy agreed, still grinning. “But they’re sweet.”
“They’re the reason she gets up every day,” I said softly. “And the reason she’s fighting this disease. We all need something to fight for, right?”
“Right,” Troy agreed, the mood shifting. “Although… sometimes I feel like I have so many kids working for me, even though they’re old enough to be adults now.”
“Children, all of them,” I said, waving my hand, and Troy laughed, nodding.
“That way, I’ll know what it feels like without ever having kids of my own,” Troy said. “I don’t even have to go there to know the frustrations.”
“But you won’t know the good times, either,” I pointed out.
Troy sighed. “Yeah, well, I’d rather live without the good than lose it.”
“That seems… sad,” Mackenzie said carefully. “Children change your perspective on life so much.”
“Maybe,” Troy said. “I mean, Jake changed my perspective, too.”
I stilled. “That’s not how I meant it.”
“I know, I know,” Troy said. He’d been the one to bring up the morbid subject that Jake’s death had changed everything about his life. I understood where he was coming from but it was hard to completely know what he’d been through.
“You never want to change things?” I asked, my eyes on Troy’s when he looked up at me. “You don’t want to have a family at all, one day?”
Troy shook my head. We’d talked about this before—he’d made it clear that he didn’t want kids. This world just wasn’t fair, and it was wrong to do that, to bring a life into it without that person actually choosing it. That was how he saw it. It was tough to completely agree. Yeah, the worldcouldbe an awful place, but that didn’t mean ithad tobe.
“It must get lonely,” I said. After all, he lived in this giant house all by himself with no one to share it with.
Troy shrugged. “I don’t know aboutlonely. I mean, I have friends and I’m always surrounded by people, and that’s really what having a family is about, right? Not going about it all alone? Besides, I get to call the shots, make my own time, come and go as I please without having to make arrangements for a babysitter or having to explain to a wife why I wanted to go.”
“You’re making it sound like having a family is terrible,” I mused.
Troy laughed. “They don’t call a wife the ball-and-chain for nothing, you know.”
I giggled. “That concept is just as messed up as everything else. If that’s what a relationship is like, marriage shouldnotbe happening.”
Troy shrugged. “Most women want that ring on their finger, and that’s all it’s about. I can’t count how many women made it clear they would doanythingto be with me, but I know it’s about the money, about getting in there and taking control rather than because we were compatible.”
I raised my eyebrows at Troy. He really had a bitter outlook on life in some ways. It sounded like he’d been through a tough life, with a lot of things going wrong. That made me sad for him—life could be so beautiful.
“I think there’s more to love and marriage and kids than that,” I said softly.
“Maybe,” Troy agreed and reached for another pizza slice when he finished his. “It’s just not like that for me, you know? The business is predictable and safe. When something goes wrong, I can fix it or go in a new direction, no love lost. It took a lot of work, but now that it’s established, I can do what I want and I’m happy. I win every day.”
I chuckled. “Not everything is about winning, you know.”
“No?” Troy asked, feigning confusion before a grin spread across his face.
The words I’d just spoken rocked through me. I meant them when I’d said to Troy that it wasn’t just about winning, but I lived my life in exactly the same way—I treated everything as a competition, and I wanted to win, I wanted to get on top and stay there.
“I guess that’s not fair of me to say,” I admitted. “I’m like that, too.”
“It’s all about control,” Troy said.
