AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Thanks,” I said begrudgingly. Scott had just lectured me, but he was still nice, caring. I was glad Mackenzie didn’t have to deal with the loss of her sister on top of everything else.
“You can’t give up on this, Troy,” Scott said, sitting on one of the bar stools. He looked tired. Was that because he’d had a long day or because he was exhausted after having to deal with me?
“I’m not giving up on anything. I’m respecting her wishes,” I said. “I’m living my life the way I’ve always lived it. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Is the life you’ve lived until now really enough?”
I didn’t answer him.
“You’re giving up,” Scott said again. “You’re walking away when we both know that’s not what you want to do.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked. I tried to sound angry, but my emotions were starting to peek through. “It’s over, and I’m going to have to deal with that since it’s my fault. I know how to deal with losing someone, so there’s that.”
Scott shook his head. “Quite frankly, Troy, I don’t think you know how to deal with loss at all. It’s not like you’ve been very good at moving on from Jake.”
I was angry immediately, and I welcomed the rage. It was so much easier to deal with than the pain and sorrow I’d been dealing with lately. Hell, that I’d been dealing with my whole life. “Excuse me?”
“You’re still holding onto his death, letting it dictate your entire life. That’s not living, that’s just surviving, and that’s not how it should be.”
“I can’t believe you!” I cried out. “How are we back on this? I thought you’d already had your say about that part.”
“Someone has to say it, and I’m the only one you let close enough to be honest with you. Losing Jake was tough as shit, but we were kids and he’s gone, and we can’t change that. Youcanchange losing Mackenzie. Losing Jake is set in stone and we had to accept that a long time ago, but if you don’t go after her, it will be too late. You keep punishing yourself for Jake’s death when it wasn’t your fault, but this thing with Mackenzie… thisisyour fault, and you can actually do something about it. Just accepting it for what it is and saying this is the way it’s supposed to be is a pathetic cop-out, and I expected more of you.”
“Thanks,Dad."
“Yeah, well, since he fell into a bottle, someone has to step up and take the role, so here I am, telling you the shit you need to hear.”
I stared at Scott. “Be brutally honest while you’re at it, why don’t you?” I was sarcastic, I was angry, but all that was to hide the fact that what Scott said was true, and it hurt. It ached all the way down to my soul.
“Look, Troy, I know this is hard. I know you’re terrified of getting hurt again and it’s why you keep pushing people away, but Mackenzie is different.You’redifferent since you’ve met her and when something like that happens, it’s worth the sacrifices to keep her in your life. Someone like Mackenzie doesn’t come along more than once in a lifetime, and if you let her slip through your fingers, you’ll keep being miserable. This isn’t about Jake’s death, it’s about your life now.”
I stared into the amber liquid in my glass, not wanting to make eye contact with Scott. He was right, of course. I hated that he always was, but he was my older brother, and he’d always been wise beyond his years.
When I looked up at Scott, his eyes were gentle. He really cared about me and my happiness.
“I don’t want to let him go,” I finally admitted. “If I let him go, it will be like he never existed, and I can’t do that.”
“That’s not how it works,” Scott said. “Jake will always be our brother, and we’ll always carry what happened around with us, but it doesn’t have to define who we are. He would have wanted us to move forward and live full lives, and we owe it to him to do what he couldn’t, don’t you think?”
Damn it! There was so much truth to his words that it pissed me off. I didn’t like losing, and I’d lost way too much as it was. What Scott was saying made sense, and to think that it was all my fault in the end just made me feel like crap about what I’d done. It was one thing to call myself a victim and let my circumstances dictate who I was and how I acted. It had been convenient, in fact. To stand up and take responsibility, to say that it was up to me to change things was scary.
“Fine,” I finally said. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Scott grinned at me. “I knew you’d finally admit that I’m right.”
“I never said that."
“But you thought it,” Scott said with a chuckle, but his smile faded. “I’m serious, though, Troy. I know I’m not one to talk because I carry a lot of baggage along with me, too, but I don’t want to see you throw away the opportunity to be really happy for something neither of us can change. At least let one of us find happiness.”
“So, now I have to be happy on your behalf too, huh?” I asked, cocking a grin. “Sure, make your little brother do everything.”
Scott burst out laughing, and I laughed along.
His laughter faded again, a frown taking its place.
“What is it?”
“How serious are you about her?”
