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I giggled. “It totally is.”
Rachel smiled at me, and my heart swelled with affection. Rachel was willing to do everything for me and her kids, and it meant so much to me that she’d been willing to do this. I would never have put that on her, though; I reallydidwant this baby. It was terrifying, and I knew that I would have to give up so much that I’d always thought I wanted.
I guess when a child came along, priorities changed.
“So, what now?” Rachel asked when we parked in front of the school building, earlier than they were let out, so we waited.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I guess I’ll just have to take it day by day and see how things go.”
“You know I’m always here,” Rachel said.
“I know.”
“The kids are going to be such good friends,” Rachel added. “I’ve always wanted the kids to have cousins to share all the family memories with.”
“Yeah,” I said with a smile. “Family is everything.”
“It really is,” Rachel said. “You’re going to do great, Mack.”
“Thanks, Rach,” I said. “I’m scared out of my mind.”
“I know,” Rachel said and squeezed my hands again. “But it’s because of how serious this is. The only thing I can tell you is that the reward exceeds the sacrifice every time, and when you’re this scared… you should know it’s because you’re about to get something that’s better than anything you could ever have imagined.”
When Rachel talked about parenthood and kids the way she did, it made me feel like I could do it. I didn’t know what I was doing, I had no idea how to move forward, and I didn’t know if I could afford it. What I did know was that I was going to make it work, no matter what.
It was me and the baby against the world, but I had other people in my corner too, and I didn’t need Troy in the picture to be happy.
Of course, that would have helped, but I didn’tneeda man in my life.
When school let out, we watched as Tammy rounded up her brother and little sister before she looked around for Rachel’s car. Rachel got out of the car and waved until they saw her.
When they ran toward the car, Rachel kneeled to hug them, and I smiled.
That was what I wanted. The love. The family.
I put my hand on my belly and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
That was what I already had.
Love.
Family.
31
TROY
What.The.Actual.Fuck.
She was pregnant!?
How had this happened? I mean… I knewhowit happened, but how could this happen to me?
I was in a daze after I’d gone to see Mackenzie. I’d wanted her back but she’d bowled me over with the news that she was pregnant, and now I felt like I’d forgotten how to breathe. My chest ached, my mind spun, and I felt sweaty and uncomfortable as I drove to my home. I wasn’t going back to the office—I couldn’t focus on work at all, and I was my company. I could take off if that was what I needed.
A baby?
I couldn’t have a baby. I couldn’t look after a child, raise a child, be a father. I didn’t know how to do that, and what if something went wrong and I lost that baby? It would be Jake all over again, except I wouldn’t survive it. I would end up at the bottom of a bottle and that would be my only reality.
