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“A while... maybe an hour... I'm not too sure. I was dizzy because he drugged me and he was using these strange oils that he said would help me relax.”
“Isopropyl Nitrite...” His chair creaks as he sits back. “So, when he penetrated you-”
Oh, god...STOP!
“-It didn't hurt?”
“It hurt a little at first but he took his time—said he wasn't in a rush.”
“Do you miss him, Blaire?”
Maksim's abrupt question causes me to look up at him. There's no expression on his face.
I nod innocently. I cannot lie about this—it's written all over my face. I know it.
His eyes enlarge, and there's that look again; that look of fear. I've never seen Maksim look frightened before.
“Does that hurt?” he says with caution. “Missing him, I mean? Does it hurt, Blaire?”
My lips wobble because that ache in my chest... it consumes me.
I nod.
“So, he has hurt you,” he sounds relieved, taking in a few purifying breaths.
My hands start to shake in my lap.
“I guess so,” my voice comes out all small, peppered in tears. “But that's the only pain he's caused me. He's never hurt me like you do,c?pMaksim.”
“And do you like that he didn't physically hurt you?”
Swallowing, I nod.
I'm expecting Maksim to lay into me—to give me a good bloody hiding. I can feel his anger on the surface of my skin—but he doesn't. He's acting carefully, and utterly confusing me when he diverts with telling me about his time over the past two and a half months, that he went to Russia to visit Tatiana, that he missed me more than he thought he would.
“I visited my parents' graves and laid burnt roses,” he says, giving me this heartless look. He burns the roses to take the beauty out of them. In his mind, anything burnt and damaged represents his parents.
“Red roses?” I ask softly, feeling sorry for him. He hates his parents. He has a hard time visiting their graves—usually takes his anger and hurt out on me after visiting them, or James.
I suddenly wonder where James is but I'm too nervous to ask.
“Of course red roses, my little pet.” Maksim glances between my features, his strangely soft and inviting. “Whenever I'm there, I think of you, of your loyalty and your passion to defend me. It gives me strength.” He touches his chest, then he goes right in to how he feels about me, that while he doesn't always show it, “I do love you, Blaire.”
My heart is in my throat. He's never said that before. He never explains himself to me or tells me that he loves me, and just too really fuck with my head, he offers me a week off duty.
“I-I don't need any time off,c?pMaksim. I don't...” I pause, lost for words. The last thing I need is ample of time to think about the last few months. “If you need me, I'm here.”
He smiles wickedly at me. “I know, my little pet. I know.”
We talk a while longer about his time in Russia, how cold it is there and how Tatiana is colder. “She isn't happy that I bartered you, but in all honesty, I'm not glad I did, either. I shouldn't have used you as a bargaining tool. You were mine and mine alone, and I've failed you.”
I don't know what to say—I'm wavering under his golden eyes—so I say nothing.
When he's done pouring out his emotions to me, he tells me that I can go home now. “I'll call you when I need you, my little pet.”
I rise to my feet, feeling a bit awkward. I'm not sure if I should say goodbye or just leave—it's been so long since I was under Maksim's power.
Maksim decides for me.
