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My lungs fill with hot air and I realize what I've just done...
...After I fought to have the power over my body, I just kissed him?
Fuck.
Thisis so fucked up.
He stole me away from my life—from Maksim. He used me to satisfy his own perverse needs without any regard for what I wanted...
Holding my face in both hands, I duck out of the boxing ring and sprint across the gym for the exit doors. One second I can hear Charlie yelling, “Who the fuck helped her leave The Site?” And the next he's calling my name, telling me to wait.
I ignore him with all the will I have and rush upstairs to my room, baffled with myself.
Why did I do that?
I pace my bedroom, stewing over what the hell has come about me.
Three days I've been here with Charlie. Just three fucking days, and I've gone from being a strong, mentally disciplined combatant, to a slut? The only person I should ever want like this is Maksim, but I don't.
It makes me sick. I don't get it. I just don't understand how this can happen, and so quickly.
I once read somewhere,'the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. I can resist everything but temptation'. Is that true? Is that what I need to do? If I give in to wanting Charlie, will it fix me?
I'm not sure. I know nothing of what's happening here.
I wish Maksim had prepared me for things like this, because if he did, I wouldn't be so mystified.
———
I bury myself in a book to take my mind off things and when it’s mid afternoon, the sun hovering between high and low in the sky, I go downstairs, hungry from working out. I'm hoping to avoid Charlie but of course, there's no avoiding him. He's in the kitchen, on the phone by the back doors, wearing jeans and a black round neck t-shirt, his hair tied back. He's almost as tall as the back doors, his shoulders broad and his waist narrow, blocking the view over the garden.
“So she's in Europe then?” he says in Spanish, and I stand there on the threshold with a familiar tightness in the low of my stomach.
I shake my head, frustrated with myself. His presence alone fucks with my chi and he hasn't even looked at me yet.
Trying to keep my shit together, I open the fridge. There are pork medallions and fresh chilled asparagus, and on the kitchen countertop there's a bowl of potatoes.
Busying myself, I rummage through the cupboards to gather the utensils I need. I peel and cut up the potatoes so I can boil them for mash. I then fill a stainless steel saucepan with water and set the stove ring on medium, gently dropping in the potatoes.
“Why did you rush off this morning?” Charlie says from beside me, glancing over everything.
My chest constricts.
“I called for you to wait.”
Swallowing down my anxiety, I keep my eyes trained on the task at hand. “I had to have a shower.”
“You smelt all right to me.” He pinches a stick of asparagus from the side and nips off the end. “You're cooking...” he says between bites
“Yeah.” I rinse off my hands. “Are you hungry? I can make some for you too?” The least I can offer is to cook for him. It is after all his house and his ingredients, and he could just as easily not feed me properly.
He leans back against the kitchen units. “This, is something I never expected to see.”
“What?” I dry my hands and hang the towel back over the sink.
“You, cooking.” Charlie smirks at me, mischief glittering in his eyes.
“I'm not an idiot. Of course I can cook.”
