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“I don’t believe it,” I say, shaking my head. There is no way the boy I cried a thousand oceans for would do that to me.
Then again … Mason …
“I knew you wouldn’t,” he says gently, before I can complete the thought in my head.
Those words jar me. I suppose if I knew no one would believe me, I would keep quiet, too. I blink, my mind cycling back to that fight that they’d had, that last night. “Why did you almost fight, that night?”
His lips twist. He’s debating telling me.
“Alec, why?” I demand.
From the expression on his face, I might as well be extracting the words with a set of pliers. “He’d been out there, in the yard behind the bushes, with Tori Meltz. Getting a blow job. I saw them. And when he came back, I told him that he needed to keep his dick in his pants if you weren’t there.” He looks down at his lap. “What’s it to you, dickhead? That was the last thing he said to me, until, well … yeah, I guess I challenged him to that drink-off, thinking he’d pass out and forget his promise to get with that other girl.”
I stare at him. “You… were protecting me?”
“I know. I did a shitty job of it.”
“And why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why?” He lets out a sardonic laugh. “A thousand reasons. I felt guilty. I didn’t want you to hate me again. I didn’t want to lose you after I’d finally gotten you. I didn’t want to put a damper on the joy and excitement of having a baby. But most of all … I didn’t want to hurt you. I knew you loved Jonathan. And he loved you, too. He just … had a shitty way of showing it.”
I almost laugh, even as the tears start to fall. “He begged me, over and over again, to sleep with him. He was relentless. It was only after we were dating for two years that I finally gave in, and that’s because I thought we would be together forever. I felt bad making him wait … when all along he was getting it from other girls?”
He nods. “I’m so sorry.”
My heart lurches at the sincerity in his eyes. “Alec. I don’t know what’s worse. That Jonathan did those things, or that you thought all this time that I was better off not knowing? Did you think I was too weak to accept the truth then? How am I supposed to know, going forward, if you’re ever keeping something from me? We can’t build a relationship without honesty and communication. And you can’t assume you know what’s best for someone else.”
He nods. “I know. I know. I’m sorry, Stassi.”
“You can tell me these things. I’m not a porcelain doll. I’m not going to break.”
“I was going to. I promise you, I was.”
I give him a doubtful look. “When?”
“You know Carlina, when we met up at the diner? It wasn’t a date. I told you we were catching up, but it wasn’t that, either. I was just asking her, because she was there that night, if she’d vouch for me. Because she knew what kind of guy Jonathan was, too.”
Apparently, other people knew Jonathan was a complete asshole. And I was the fool. Again. Just like with Mason.
I can’t have this happen again. Three strikes, and I am out.
Really out, because now I have a baby to think about.
The thought grips me like a vise, and suddenly I feel like I’m flying without a net. I lean over, burying my face in my hands, and let out a sob.
The next thing I know, Alec is kneeling in front of me with a glass of water. “Drink this.”
I take it and sip the water, feeling numb.
“Stassi … I’m so sorry,” he says again. “I love you.”
The words don’t hit in the way they should. In my life on this Earth, I probably spent more time wanting Alec to say those words to me than crying over Jonathan. But they don’t penetrate. They don’t do a damn thing to me.
He tries to put his hand on my knee, but I stiffen and stand. My voice is wooden. “I should sleep in my own apartment tonight.”
I trip over bags he’s left in the doorway. I notice some new books. Oliver Twist is on top.
Oliver. Instinctively, I grab my belly.
He doesn’t try to stop me as I go to gather my things, but he does say, “Okay. But I thought … Madison and Joe …”
I climb the stairs listlessly, not bothering to correct him. I kept my key, and Madison kept my room open for me, telling me I’m welcome back, anytime I want.
Because I guess I always knew, deep in my heart, that nothing ever works out for me.
